Archive for the ‘Idiot Criminals’ Category

Shoplifting during “Shop with a Cop” event not too brite

Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

2 men arrested for shoplifting at a ‘Shop With a Cop’ event:

You couldn’t miss the large presence of Portland police officers at the Fred Meyer off Southeast Johnson Creek Boulevard this morning.

Mounted patrol officers were out front.

K9 patrol were teaming around and about 60 other uniformed officers from assistant chiefs and commanders to patrol officers and traffic cops were inside.

It was the annual “Shop With a Cop” back-to-school event, with officers helping about 160 children pick out clothing and school supplies for the approaching school year.

But that didn’t stop two shoplifters from going aisle to aisle, picking out a few items of their own.

While officers were helping out the kids, store security alerted the police they had their eyes on two young men packing their own backpacks with merchandise.

How not to get reinstated to your former job

Monday, August 23rd, 2010

Dismissed cop takes tourists hostage in Manila:

A dismissed policeman armed with an automatic rifle seized a bus in the Philippine capital Monday with 25 passengers, most of them Hong Kong tourists, in a bid to demand his reinstatement, police said.

Six hostages, including three children, were subsequently released, and appeared to be unhurt.

Police sharpshooters took positions around the white-blue-red bus, which was parked near a downtown Manila park, and negotiations to free the remaining hostages were under way, deputy director of Manila police Alex Gutierrez said.

Please don’t shave your privates while driving

Friday, March 5th, 2010

FHP: Driver lacked razor-sharp focus 

As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don’t try to shave your privates, either.

Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.

“She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,” Trooper Gary Dunick said.

“If I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot … who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, ‘Nothing will ever beat this.’ Well, this takes it.”

Father of the year has clear priorities

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

Police: Man sold teen daughter into marriage for cash, beer, meat

A California man sold his 14-year-old daughter to an 18-year-old man for cash, beer and meat — then called police when the prospective bridegroom didn’t live up to his end of the deal, authorities said Tuesday.

Marcelino de Jesus Martinez, 36, of Greenfield, California, was arrested Monday and booked into the Monterey County Jail, Greenfield police said in a statement.

He faces felony charges of receiving money for causing a person to cohabitate, police said.

Martinez had arranged through a third party to have his daughter marry the older teenager, identified by authorities as Margarito de Jesus Galindo, of Gonzales, California.

In exchange, Galindo was to pay Martinez $16,000 and provide him with 160 cases of beer, 100 cases of soda, 50 cases of Gatorade, two cases of wine, and six cases of meat, Greenfield Police Chief Joe Grebmeier told CNN.

Firebombing wrong house not too brite

Thursday, December 24th, 2009

McDuffie man hit wrong house with firebomb, authorities say:

Authorities say Robert Holt, 25, wanted to get back at his old girlfriend by throwing a Molotov cocktail through the window of her home.

But he got the wrong house. He is being held today without bond, charged with throwing the firebomb through the window of a Dell Drive house on Sunday night.

Mr. Holt was taken into custody shortly after the incident by officers with the Thomson Police Department.

He has been arrested on a number of charges in recent months, authorities say, and is now facing charges of arson in the first-degree, four counts of aggravated assault and possession of an explosive device, according to police records.

Each charge is a felony.

Idiot criminals of the year

Friday, October 30th, 2009

‘Dumb’ American criminals attempt robbery with ‘permanent marker pen disguises’

Two hapless robbers in America, Matthew McNelly and Joey Miller, have been arrested with the “worst disguises ever” after trying to hide their faces with permanent marker pen.

McNelly, 23, and Miller, 20 were arrested by armed police in Carroll, Iowa, last Friday after witnesses reported seeing two men trying to break into an apartment with fake beards and “masks” scrawled on their faces.

Police responding to a call about the attempted burglary later pulled over a car matching the alleged suspects’ vehicle. When they stopped their 1994 Buick Roadmaster, bewildered police discovered the drunk hapless pair – nicknamed “dumb and dumber” – complete with makeshift disguises.

Be sure to click through and see the photos of these geniuses.

Hat tip to Una!

Stealing the Virgin Mary to pay for abortion not too brite

Sunday, August 23rd, 2009

Prosecutor: Nebraska Man Stole Painting to Pay for Abortion

A Nebraska man who stole a painting of the Virgin Mary to finance an abortion for a teen he raped has been convicted of first-degree sexual assault and felony theft.

Aurelio Vallerillo-Sanchez, 39, of Omaha pleaded no contest to the charges Friday and faces up to 70 years in prison when sentenced in October, Douglas County prosecutor Brenda Beadle said Saturday.

A call to the county public defender representing Vallerillo-Sanchez wasn’t answered Saturday.

Beadle said Vallerillo-Sanchez fled to Mexico with the 300-year-old painting worth $100,000 and the pregnant teen in March 2007.

“The plan was that when they got to Mexico, she was to undergo an abortion,” she said.

Idiot criminal of the week

Thursday, August 13th, 2009

FBI: Man gives teller ID before robbing bank

A 34-year-old man is in custody after authorities say he gave a teller his account number and showed her his picture ID before robbing an Anchorage bank.

The FBI says Jarell Paul Arnold of Anchorage is being held on federal bank robbery charges. The FBI alleges Arnold walked into an Alaska USA Federal Credit Union branch Friday and inquired about the balance on his account, according to the Anchorage Daily News.

The teller asked for his name, account number and ID, the paper said.  Authorities say he complied, and then handed over a receipt with a note on the back that said he had a gun and demanded money. The FBI says he got away with about $600.

How not to get back at the police

Saturday, July 25th, 2009

Brainy buddies get busted for torching cop car – in front of stationhouse:

Two numskulls busted for drinking in public decided to get even by torching a cop car. Trouble was, they set the fire in front of an NYPD stationhouse – and were promptly arrested again, police said.

“Braniacs these boys are not,” said one police source.

Michael Bower, 18, and Carlos Ortiz, 22, were first nabbed for boozing and disorderly conduct at 2 a.m. Friday on Mace Ave. in the Bronx and given summonses.

After being released, the peeved pair bought motor oil from a BP station across the street from the 52nd Precinct on Webster Ave., police said.

They allegedly poured the oil, and possibly another accelerant, on a patrol car parked in front and tossed a match, sources said.

Obama’s Lee Harvey Oswald on the loose, hunted by Feds

Friday, June 5th, 2009

Feds Search for Man Allegedly on ‘Mission to Kill the President’

Federal authorities in Utah are searching for a man who allegedly made threats against President Obama.Daniel James Murray has been charged with making threats against President Obama, after telling a bank teller he was part of a “mission” to kill the president.

The Secret Service says Murray has at least eight registered firearms. His whereabouts are unknown. Murray entered Zion’s First National Bank in St. George, Utah on May 19, to open a savings account with an $85,000 check, according to a criminal complaint filed in federal court in Salt Lake City today.

Murray allegedly asked if the bank was solvent and then stated, according to the complaint, “With all this mess going on under President Obama with banks and the economy, I’m sure if citizens happen to lose their money, they will rise up and we could see killing and deaths.”

Murray told the teller during that visit, the complaint added, “We are 94 million miles from the sun, and are in-between the sun and moon, and the eagle that flies between them, and it’s a giant step for mankind. … I have traveled thousands of miles to be here and know things that are going to happen. … The banking system will fail and people will die. … There will be chaos in the world.”

The next day, according to the complaint, Murray withdrew the remaining $72,000 and closed his account.

Well, that’s one way to go for a steak

Monday, May 4th, 2009

For steaks, campers near Rochester steal and kill calf from dairy farm:

The local Sizzler must have been closed.

Two upstate New York campers broke into a dairy farmer’s barn, stole his calf, shot it with arrows and then slit its throat before slicing off a couple steaks, police said.

“They were out camping and decided they wanted something to eat,” State Police Investigator John Stubbe said of the cattle rustling.

“One guy led the calf by a rope around its neck, and the other shot it twice with an arrow. It still wouldn’t die, so he cut its throat.”

After cutting off a couple of steaks from the 2-month-old calf named Emmy, the two discarded the rest of the carcass.

David Lochner, 21, and Timothy Welch, 18, were arrested Wednesday on burglary charges. Police said more charges are pending, including cruelty to animals.

Idiot Criminal of the Week

Friday, January 9th, 2009

Lover’s spat led to tip that got pair arrested

They had actually gotten away with it, until he called police.

It’s a case of revenge gone wrong, where a man’s attempt to land his former girlfriend in jail could result in jail time for him as well.

The act of supposed revenge started with a call in September to Crime Stoppers, the nonprofit organization that offers cash for tips. The man called the local tip line, saying he had information about the November 2007 theft of a motorized scooter worth $1,000 from the basement of Wilz Drug Store at 140 E. Cook St.

While tipsters who call the Crime Stoppers tip line automatically remain anonymous, they can choose to identify themselves to law enforcement if they so desire.

In this case, the caller wanted to reveal himself. He left his phone number.

Gang Banging with Santa Not Too Brite

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008

Man Arrested After Flashing Gang Signs on Santa’s Lap:

An alleged gang member has landed himself in jail for flashing gang signs in a photo he took while sitting on Santa’s lap.

Uriel Oliva, 18, was arrested early last week after a visit with Santa at the Village Mall in Orange.

Police say that Oliva was under a court order not to associate with members of his street gang, engage in gang activity or hang out at the Village Mall when the photo was taken Dec. 16.

New York – Ohio Vote Fraud Exposed

Friday, October 24th, 2008

NYERS ‘SWING’ & MISS

The ballots of four wealthy New York Democrats were yanked yesterday after they admitted they set up a temporary house in Ohio and then voted in the battleground state.

The New Yorkers and nine pals from around the country admitted they should never have registered in the Buckeye State, said prosecutors, who had investigated the group for possible vote fraud.

As part of a deal with prosecutors, the 13 said they were sorry and had “misunderstood” the state’s voting rules.

 ”Without reservations, we apologize to the community [and] for the problems this misunderstanding has caused,” said Greg Nolan, spokesman for activist group Vote from Home.

 The Post reported Monday that the group is run from the East 82nd Street brownstone of Heather Halstead, daughter of Halstead Properties founder Clark Halstead.

Halstead and her husband, Marc Gustafson – along with Bank of New York Mellon exec Joel Speyer and former New York Sun reporter and Scarsdale resident Daniel Hemel – and their pals were investigated after they crammed into a three-bedroom house in Columbus and registered to vote.

Carjacking unmarked police car not too brite

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

Carjackers’ nightmare: intended victims are two cops

A 22-year-old man is in custody after police said he and another man unwittingly tried to carjack an unmarked police car with two uniformed officers inside.

At 9:30 p.m. Thursday, the officers were investigating illegal fireworks activity in the 2200 block of Eastwood Avenue when a sports utility vehicle pulled up in front of their unmarked police sedan, said Santa Ana Police Department Comm. Steve Colon.

The two men got out of the SUV and took “an aggressive approach toward the officers,” Colon said. The driver acted as if he had a weapon in his waistband, police said.

At that point, the officers got out of the car; the two suspects ran back into their SUV and attempted to get away, Colon said. Police suspect the two men didn’t realize there were officers in the vehicle.

How not to express your interest in a law enforcement career

Friday, July 4th, 2008

Joyriding in stolen Dillon police car lands boy, mother in jail

A 13-year-old Dillon boy was arrested after officers said he took his interest in law enforcement too far by joyriding in a stolen police car.

His mother, who police said saw no problem with her son’s hobby, also was arrested.

Residents called police Sunday to say they’d seen the boy driving around in a police car, Dillon Police Sgt. Jason Turner said.

Officers didn’t even know the car was missing until then, Turner said.

The boy had also taken the car the previous Sunday, drove around Dillon and then returned the car to the police station, Turner said.

Well that’s one way to get a scoop!

Saturday, June 21st, 2008

Journalist ‘reported own murders’

Police in Macedonia have arrested a journalist on suspicion that he is behind three murders he reported on.

The journalist, Vlado Taneski, is accused of raping, torturing and killing three elderly women in the south-western town of Kicevo.

Macedonian police began to suspect him after he included details in his reports that they had not made public.

Other men have reportedly already been convicted of the first two murders. The third was committed last month.

Mr Taneski, 56, has not yet been charged with any offence, police said.

Idiot Criminal of the Week

Thursday, June 19th, 2008

Man shoots self dead while breaking into house

Police in a Dallas suburb say a man trying to rob a house accidentally shot himself after kicking down the door and died in the driveway.

Grand Prairie police say the body of 19-year-old Cameron Sands was found outside the house early Tuesday.

Police Lt. John Brimmer says the evidence indicates Sands shot himself while trying to pull the gun from his waistband. He then dropped the gun and ran until he collapsed.

Plaster Jesus Stolen Off Cross by Copper Thieves

Thursday, June 5th, 2008

Statue of Jesus Stolen Off Cross in Detroit

Thieves seeking copper to sell as scrap may have stolen an 8-foot statue of Jesus Christ off a crucifix in Detroit. Problem is, it’s made of plaster.

The Rev. Barry Randolph said Wednesday that the statue at the Church of the Messiah is a green color and looks like copper, one of several metals coveted by thieves because of soaring scrap prices.

Thieves have damaged copper pipes and stolen aluminum gutters at the church over the past few months as the congregation has dwindled from about 350 members to just 50, congregation member Donya Ray-Gregg said.

Please don’t try to steal from the lion park

Saturday, May 31st, 2008

‘Thief’ who broke into a lion park is ‘ripped apart’ by up to 10 animals

A suspected thief who broke into a lion park was “ripped apart” by up to 10 animals.
The intruder got through three security fences before reaching the main enclosure when he was ferociously attacked by the wild beasts.

Ian Melass at the Lion Park in Johannesburg, South Africa, said: ‘It was late yesterday after the park was closed and the rangers were rounding up the lions to be put in their enclosure overnight.

‘They noticed one male lion and two female lions sitting on something and under closer inspection they found it was a human body.

13-yr old buys hookers with Dad’s card, plays X-Box

Sunday, May 11th, 2008

13 Year Old Steals Dad’s Credit Card to Buy Hookers

A 13 year old from Texas who stole his Dad’s credit card and ordered two hookers from an escort agency, has today been convicted of fraud and given a three year community order.

Ralph Hardy, a 13 year old from Newark, Texas confessed to ordering an extra credit card from his father’s existing credit card company, and took his friends on a $30,000 spending spree, culminating in playing “Halo” on an Xbox with a couple of hookers in a Texas motel.

The credit card company involved said it was regular practice to send extra credit cards out as long as all security questions are answered.

The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.

Idiot criminals of the week

Friday, May 9th, 2008

Woman Uses Laptop Camera Remotely To Find Stolen Computer

A Westchester woman who had her laptop stolen was able to connect to the computer, photograph two suspects and file the photos to police.

White Plains Police say they used the photos to arrest 23-year-old Edmon Shahikian of Katonah and 20-year-old Ian Frias of the Bronx Wednesday night. Police say they recovered most of the $5,000 worth of electronics stolen from the woman’s White Plains apartment back on April 27.

Cocaine and Criminal Justice Degree don’t go mix well

Tuesday, May 6th, 2008

O.D. death led to huge campus drug sting

Authorities have arrested nearly 100 people and seized guns and drugs in a sting operation at San Diego State University in California, the Drug Enforcement Administration said Tuesday.

Among those arrested were 75 students, some of them working toward criminal justice or homeland security degrees. One criminal justice major was charged with possession of guns and cocaine, authorities said.

One student sent a mass text message offering a “sale” on cocaine, the DEA said in a news release.

Campus police and the DEA began their undercover operation after the death of a student from an overdose in May 2007, the news release said. A second overdose death occurred as recently as February at a fraternity house.

“DEA agents infiltrated several student drug distribution cells and more than 130 drug purchases and seizures were made” during the investigation known as Operation Sudden Fall, the news release said.

Drive-by Pipe Bombing Not Too Brite

Friday, May 2nd, 2008

2 injured in explosion of homemade bomb

Two men were arrested Wednesday after their homemade bomb exploded prematurely, injuring both, authorities said.

Acting on an anonymous tip, Sampson County deputies found a Chevrolet minivan outside Sampson Regional Medical Center with a side window blown out and blast marks on the outside of a door, authorities said.

Inside the hospital emergency room, Martin Bryant Boyette and Julio Frentez Morales were receiving treatment for injuries from a bomb blast, authorities said. An investigation determined that the pair had made several bombs at Boyette’s house, where both lived, and Morales tried to throw one out the window of the minivan on U.S. Highway 701 as they drove past Hobbton Schools, authorities said.

Pumping Gas Into Imaginary Car Not Too Brite

Saturday, April 26th, 2008

Man Arrested After Pumping Gas Into Imaginary Car

A Frankfort man was arrested on drug trafficking charges early Sunday morning after he was reportedly pumping gas into an imaginary vehicle. According to the arrest report, Metro Police arrived at a gas station at First and Jefferson streets in Louisville and immediately smelled marijuana coming from Joshua L. Moore, who station clerks contend was filling up an imaginary vehicle.

Officers searched Moore and found “two large baggies” of marijuana and a large amount of Ecstasy. Police said Moore also had a cell phone and a large amount of money, which they said was indicative of trafficking.

Stoned and Spanking at the Library Not Too Brite

Thursday, April 17th, 2008

Man arrested; allegedly viewed pornography on library computer

Several times during the last month, a maintenance worker has found what appeared to be bodily fluids in pencil holders and plastic bags around the public-access computer area of the Williamsburg Regional Library.

After the worker told library officials, the incidents were reported Monday to police, who suspected that a man was repeatedly masturbating at the library. On Thursday, library workers saw a man around the computer area and called police. The man initially had his hands down his pants but began fumbling around and acting nervously when police arrived, Williamsburg police spokesman David Sloggie said.

The man was arrested after police determined that he was looking at a pornographic Web site on one of the library’s computers, Sloggie said.

Jeffrey Jay Jones, 22, of Joy Drive in Hampton is charged with defacing public property and possession of marijuana, Sloggie said. Police found marijuana when arresting Jones.

Yet another reason not to hit a Police Officer with a baseball bat

Wednesday, April 16th, 2008

Fresno Student Shot, Killed by Police Officer After Bat Attack

A police officer shot and killed a high school student Wednesday after the teenager attacked the officer with a baseball bat on campus, authorities said.

Police said the officer fired shortly before noon, after a 17-year-old boy at Roosevelt High School allegedly came up behind the officer and hit him in the head with the bat, according to Fresno Police Chief Jerry Dyer. The officer fell down dazed, grabbed a gun from his ankle holster and fired, Dyer said.

“The officer was fortunate that he was able to defend himself,” the chief said.

The cause of the attack was not immediately known. Dyer said there was no history of prior run-ins between the student and the officer, who was employed by the police department as the school’s resource officer.

Police did not immediately release the identities of the officer or student, who was described as a longtime Fresno resident who recently transferred to the school. The teenager was 6 feet tall and 250 pounds — larger than the officer, authorities said.

Serial Subway Groper Facing Life

Monday, April 14th, 2008

Chronic NYC Subway Groper Could Get Life

About two weeks after he was released from prison, Freddie Johnson was arrested on charges of illegally rubbing up against a woman on a crowded Manhattan subway train.

It is a fairly common crime in New York. But this was no common criminal.

Johnson has been arrested a staggering 53 times—the majority for allegedly groping women on subway trains.

In his latest arrest, Johnson was being followed by plainclothes officers who recognized him from police photos. He was charged with persistent sexual abuse, and if convicted this time he could be sent away for life.

But the fact that Johnson was roaming the subways in the first place has raised questions about how the state deals with the problem of repeat sex offenders. His case even drew the scorn of a recent newspaper editorial that labeled him the “Subway Rat.”

Yet another reason to know your sirens

Thursday, April 10th, 2008

Police: Men Mistake FDNY For Police, Jump From Window

Firefighters responded to a smoke condition call in Queens early Wednesday and found that four men had jumped from the widow of the building, apparently believing police were raiding the location.

The building at 35-12 Farrington Street in Flushing is known as an illegal gambling location police said.

The four men were found in the alleyway suffering from various injuries, including leg and ankle fractures, and were taken to the hospital. They had jumped out of a window several stories up, authorities said.

Hiding loaded gun in oven not too brite

Sunday, March 23rd, 2008

Man Charged After Gun Hidden in Oven Goes Off, Injuring 2 Boys

Chicago police say two children were injured when a loaded handgun hidden inside an oven discharged when the stove was heated for cooking.

Twenty-four-year-old Anthony Smith of Chicago has been charged with two counts of endangering the life of a child.

Police spokesman Marcel Bright says Smith apparently had hidden the gun in the oven.

The injured children’s sister was cooking Friday afternoon when the gun went off. A 4-year-old boy is in stable condition with a gunshot wound to the leg. His 12-year-old brother was struck on the forehead by a fragment from the gun. He has been treated and released.

Phoning in bomb threat to break up with boyfriend not too brite

Saturday, March 8th, 2008

Woman gets 2 years for breakup-bomb hoax

A woman who called in a bomb threat to an airport in an attempt to break up with her boyfriend was sentenced to two years in prison, the U.S. attorney’s office said Wednesday.

April Wormly, 36, of Hobbs, N.M., also was ordered to pay $19,761 in restitution for phoning in the threat to San Antonio International Airport.

Federal prosecutors say she admitted calling the airport several times April 21 to claim there was a bomb aboard a Southwest Airlines flight bound for Dallas. Five of the 36 phone calls were recorded, prosecutors said in a statement.

Idiot Criminal of the Week

Sunday, March 2nd, 2008

Alleged robber leaves W-2 form

The robber of a convenience store left behind an unusual clue — a W-2 form. The man robbed a Git-N-Go store in Des Moines early Friday after telling a clerk he had a gun. He left the store with about $115 but at some point took off his hat and jacket.

When police responded, they found the tax form in the coat pocket.

“They took a cue stick to his head, and someone popped him one.”

Sunday, March 2nd, 2008

Pool hall patrons scratch holdup try

The pool cue can be mightier than the gun.

That seemed to be the message sent by patrons of a San Francisco pool hall Friday night when they disarmed an alleged would-be robber.

San Francisco police said Mario K. Woods, 18, entered the crowded Billiard Palacade in the Outer Mission shortly after 10 p.m. and allegedly attempted to rob a patron at gunpoint in the bathroom.

But the patron – a carambolero, or player of a three-ball form of billiards called carambole – wrestled with his assailant, according to pool hall owner Mirna Batres. The patron’s brother and cousin came to his aid.

“They brought him out, and somebody else grabbed the gun,” said Batres, who wasn’t present during the robbery attempt but watched it afterward on a security videotape. “Then my patrons got involved and said, ‘Not in our pool room.’ “

Showing up drunk for your DUI hearing not too brite

Monday, February 18th, 2008

DUI hearing postponed; defendant was drunk

A Woodinville man who went to court in Redmond on Monday to face a drunken-driving charge showed up drunk at the hearing and ended up at a hospital instead.

King County District Court Judge Linda Jacke ordered Joseph T. Longfellow, 35, to take an alcohol breath test after his attorney informed her that Longfellow appeared to be intoxicated.

Longfellow recorded a 0.32 percent in a portable breath test at the courthouse, four times the state level for intoxication of 0.08, court filings note.

Jacke ordered Longfellow taken into custody, but jail guards refused to accept him after paramedics said he needed to be taken to a hospital to prevent possible alcohol poisoning.

Meth deposits not welcome

Thursday, February 14th, 2008

Woman Says She Mistakenly Put Meth Into ATM

An 18-year-old Bremerton woman told police last week that she may have mistakenly placed a bag of meth into a local ATM for deposit into her bank account, according to documents filed in Kitsap County Superior Court.

An employee at Kitsap Credit Union told police that a bag of suspected methamphetamine showed up in a deposit envelope to be deposited in the woman’s account at an ATM at the 100 block of Washington Avenue.

“The sheer stupidity of cutting through power cables should be glaringly obvious to everyone”

Thursday, February 14th, 2008

Shock horror for would-be power cable thief

Police in central England are hunting for a badly scorched would-be copper power cable thief after finding a hacksaw embedded in an 11,000 volt power cable Saturday night.

The thief, who also left a lit blow torch at the scene, is expected to be badly charred, spiky haired and not exactly the brightest bulb in the socket.

Hat tip to Steve!

Idiot Criminal of the Week

Tuesday, February 12th, 2008

Hummer discovered stolen when driver applies for welfare in Lee County

“It doesn’t pay to apply for welfare while driving a Hummer,” declared Lee County Sheriff Gary Parsons after his officers charged a Tennessee man with possession of stolen property after he drove the expensive vehicle to the local department of social services.

Parsons said William K. Anderson, 51, 501 Forrestal Drive, Knoxville, is being held without bond at the Southwest Virginia Regional Jail and may be charged with other crimes in another jurisdiction in relation to the stolen vehicle.

According to the sheriff, an observant person noticed the man arrive at the Lee County Department of Social Services on Friday in the 2004 H2 Hummer, bearing Michigan license plates, and attempt to obtain welfare benefits. Thinking something just wasn’t quite right, the person took down the license number of the vehicle and reported the information to the sheriff’s office.

How not to shut down the California power grid

Sunday, December 16th, 2007

Guilty plea in attempt to shut down state power

A Sacramento County computer technician pleaded guilty today to trying to shut down California’s power grid by pushing a button marked “Emergency Power Off,” authorities said.

Lonnie Charles Denison, 33, of South Natomas admitted in U.S. District Court in Sacramento that he went into a room at the Independent System Operator’s data center in Folsom on April 15, broke a glass cover and pushed the button, prosecutors said. Denison, a contract employee at the data center, was upset with his employer, authorities said.

The ISO oversees electricity purchases and distribution. Denison prevented the data center from communicating to the electricity market for about two hours, leaving the electrical power grid vulnerable to shortages, Matthew St. Amant, a California Highway Patrol officer assigned to an FBI taskforce, wrote in an affidavit. No blackout occurred because the incident – which cost $14,000 for 20 computer specialists to repair – happened on a Sunday, investigators said.

Pedestrian? What pedestrian?

Wednesday, December 5th, 2007

Wis. Man Pleads No Contest to Hitting Pedestrian, Driving Home With Victim Lodged in Windshield

A motorist accused of hitting two pedestrians and driving home with one of them lodged in his windshield pleaded no contest Wednesday to four felonies, including homicide.

Authorities said Steven Warrichaiet hit the pedestrians after he left a friend’s house late July 8. He continued to drive nearly a mile to his home with the body of Tyrone Ware, 50, in his windshield, officials said. Joann Carroll-Hildahl, 42, was found in the street with serious injuries but survived.

Warrichaiet called police about six hours later to report he had been in an accident and thought he hit someone, authorities said. Ware was pronounced dead after officers arrived.

Officials have said Warrichaiet’s blood alcohol level was 0.18 percent about six hours after the crash, or more than twice the legal limit for driving. He had been drinking heavily at a friend’s home before trying to drive home.

How not to impress your girlfriend

Monday, December 3rd, 2007

Man Accused of Stealing Plane to Impress

A man accused of stealing a twin-engine plane and driving it down the taxiway staged the stunt while he was drunk to impress his girlfriend, police said.

Michael Santos, 38, was charged Friday with theft, criminal mischief and operating a vehicle after his driving privileges had previously been forfeited for life.

Santos, who is being held in the LaPorte County Jail on $2,000 bond, is accused of driving to the LaPorte Municipal Airport despite a lifetime ban on his driving privileges.

According to police reports, Santos was drunk when he took his girlfriend to the airport Sept. 9 to show her that he could fly a plane. They climbed into the plane and were heading down the taxiway when, Santos told police, flames began shooting from the left engine.

He said he turned off all the switches and veered into a soybean field.

Faking cancer always comes back to haunt you

Saturday, December 1st, 2007

Former Fed Fakes Cancer For Free Days Off, Deception Prompted 30 Fellow Employees To Donate Almost 1,000 Hours Of Vacation Time

A former federal worker who persuaded employees nationwide to donate nearly 1,000 hours of their own paid leave so he could take time off for fictitious cancer treatments pleaded guilty to fraud Friday.

Robert Joseph Thom, 45, of Oceanside, admitted guilt for 10 counts of wire fraud that carry a combined sentence of up to 20 years in prison. He is to be sentenced Feb. 8 in U.S. District Court.

Thom was an information technology specialist with the U.S. Geological Survey in Southern California when he signed up nearly a year ago for a national donor list. He falsely claimed that he had undergone “multiple urgent surgeries for the removal of malignant tumors,” according to court records.

He forged four letters from a doctor, all attesting to his ongoing medical problems, according to a September indictment.

Idiot Criminal of the Week

Friday, November 30th, 2007

Cops: Xmas tree thief not brightest bulb

Taking holiday decorations from a man named Clouse this time of year might land you on the “naughty” list. Putting them up in your yard with the tags still on might land you in jail.

Michael Allard, 39, is accused of stealing Christmas trees and wreaths from the Montana Wreaths & Pink Grizzly Christmas Store several blocks from his home. He was arrested Monday and charged with felony burglary and misdemeanor theft.

Shane Clouse, the shop’s owner, reported a burglary after he spotted Allard walking with a shopping cart full of items Clouse recognized as his own, the Missoulian newspaper reported. Clouse later saw two of his Christmas trees in Allard’s yard and stacks of wreaths in the entryway of his trailer.

“Some gators have a nasty disposition and he was a nasty gator. He seemed to have no fear of people which indicates that he was fed”

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

Man Killed By Alligator At Indian Reservation

A man who allegedly was fleeing police was attacked and killed by an alligator in a pond, Local 10 reported.

Miccosukee police, assisted by Sweetwater canine units, responded to a call on the Miccosukee Indian Reservation about vehicles being broken into.

Local 10’s Todd Tongen said police captured one man, but another fled on foot and dove into a retention pond. Signs warned of the danger of live alligators in the pond behind the casino and hotel.

Idiot Flasher of the Week

Saturday, November 10th, 2007

Flasher sensibly flashes court

A German man, who was in court to appeal against his conviction for flashing, possibly didn’t help his case when he stripped off in the middle of the court.

‘The court withdrew for deliberations and during the adjournment the man removed his clothes again,’ said a spokesman for the court, in the western city of Duisburg.

Blackmailing the Royal Family Not Too Brite

Sunday, October 28th, 2007

Report: Pair tried to blackmail British royal

The Sunday Times said the pair had approached the unnamed family member and demanded 50,000 pounds ($100,000) not to publicize a video allegedly showing the royal engaged in a sex act.

The blackmailers also claimed to have evidence suggesting the royal had supplied an aide with an envelope containing cocaine, the newspaper said.

Yet another idiot criminal of the week

Saturday, September 8th, 2007

Woman Accused of Setting Fire Over Keys

A woman was arrested and charged with arson and burglary after police say she set fire to the home of a neighbor she thought had stolen her keys.

Sgt. Clint Riley of the Lane County Sheriff’s Office said the 23-year-old woman later found her keys hanging from her pants pocket.

The woman was being held in the Lane County Jail in lieu of $350,000 bail.

Idiot criminal of the week

Friday, September 7th, 2007

Mississippi Man Mistakenly Calls 911

A man trying to call a news station to complain about not getting a FEMA trailer after Hurricane Katrina accidentally dialed 911 and was charged with making methamphetamine after police arrived, authorities said.

Curtiss Randall Coleman was trying to get the number for Biloxi’s WLOX-TV on Wednesday just before the 6 p.m. newscast, investigators said. He misdialed when trying to reach directory information and called 911 instead of 411.

When he hung up on the emergency dispatcher, the Jackson County Sheriff’s Department was sent to the home to see if anyone was in need of assistance.

Deputies said that when they arrived at Coleman’s house, no one answered the door. Officers broke in and allegedly found a methamphetamine lab.

And the turtle got away…

Thursday, August 16th, 2007

Man aims at turtle, shoots self in foot

A northeast Ohio man was arrested after he allegedly fired a gun at a turtle and accidentally shot himself in the foot.
Massillon police say the 24-year-old man is recovering. He’s facing a count of discharging a weapon within city limits.

Idiot criminal of the week

Tuesday, August 14th, 2007

Woman Calls Police About ‘Fake’ Cocaine

A woman was arrested after she called police to help “get her money back” after she was unhappy with the crack cocaine she purchased.

Juanita Marie Jones, 53, called Rochelle Police late Thursday night after she purchased what she thought was a $20 piece of crack cocaine, according to police reports.

Chat rooms can make you crazy

Saturday, July 28th, 2007

A career ruined: Man’s sentence follows long-distance Internet squabble, arson

Two years ago, Russell Tavares was a clean-cut 25-year-old entrusted with “very high clearance” in missile and fire control in the U.S. Navy, officials say.

Now he’s the subject of a bizarre, tragic story — one that McLennan County investigators say would be a fitting plot for a television crime drama about short tempers, long-distance vendettas and the Internet’s ability to bring various personalities into conflict.
On Russell Tavares (above): “I’ve worked plenty of arson cases, but never one as bizarre as this one. Most are committed for money or getting back at somebody. This one, he blames on the computer.” — James Pack, McLennan County Sheriff’s Office detective

Tavares was involved in an Internet chat room squabble with John Anderson, a 59-year-old Elm Mott resident. Anderson said he called Tavares “a nerd.”

Tavares’ response: He took a leave of absence from the Navy. Drove from Virginia to Waco. Set fire to Anderson’s trailer home.

Idiot criminals of the week

Sunday, July 22nd, 2007

No Silence Here

It’s a bad idea to burglarize a place marked “K-9 training facility.“

Police dog handlers arriving Wednesday at the abandoned nursing home where they hold training sessions discovered two men and a woman dismantling the building’s copper pipes and wiring, Hall County Sheriff’s Sgt. Kiley Sargent said.

When the officers arrived, the three dropped their tools and ran. That was their second mistake.

“For anyone to try to run from a whole unit of canines, it’s just a no-win situation,“ Sargent said.

Yet another criminal Darwin Award!

Monday, July 16th, 2007

Ohio Man Dies in Attempt to Steal Copper From Power Line; Body Found in Wires

A man trying to take down a power line to steal and sell the copper inside was electrocuted Monday, the Butler County sheriff’s office said.

Deputies found Brandon Reed, 22, of Hamilton, tangled in lines about 3 a.m., Lt. Marian Olivas said. Utility crews recovered the body, Olivas said.

Another man, Josh Snyder, 24, of Hamilton, told investigators that he left Reed about 20 miles north of Cincinnati and was supposed to pick him up after Reed had cut down the wire, Olivas said.

Criminal Darwin Award of the Week

Monday, July 16th, 2007

Copper thieves die trying

Firefighters weren’t sure what was causing the smoke rising from a former discount store in this Baltimore suburb. The place had been abandoned for years, the interior stripped to the walls.

When they got inside July 2, they found only one thing burning: a 41-year-old man who became engulfed in flames and died after cutting through a high-voltage line.

Sean Phelps became another ghastly casualty of what authorities say is a deadly national trend: copper wiring thefts.

“I am the emperor and I’m here to take over state government.”

Monday, July 16th, 2007

Man shot in US governor’s office

An unidentified man armed with a gun has been shot dead at the offices of Colorado Governor Bill Ritter.

The incident occurred at about 1415 (2015 GMT) in the office foyer, Gov Ritter’s spokesman told the BBC.

He said the man was ordered repeatedly to put down his firearm before he was shot by state troopers, who provide security at the Denver state capitol.

Tree criminal in New Hampshire

Sunday, July 8th, 2007

Man Disguised as Tree Robs New Hampshire Bank

Police are on the hunt for a man who robbed a New Hampshire bank on Saturday disguised as a tree, according to MyFoxBoston.com.

The suspect walked into the Citizen’s Bank in Manchester with tree branches duct taped to his body and demanded money from the teller.

Idiot criminals of the week

Wednesday, June 20th, 2007

Thieves Steal Herman Munster’s Identity

Did Internet thieves steal Herman Munster’s MasterCard number?

Crooks in an underground chat room for selling stolen credit card numbers and personal consumer information offered pilfered data purportedly about Herman Munster, the 1960s Frankenstein-like character from “The Munsters” TV sitcom.

The thieves apparently didn’t realize Munster was a fictional TV character and dutifully offered to sell Munster’s personal details — accurately listing his home address from the television series as 1313 Mocking Bird Lane — and what appeared to be his MasterCard number. Munster’s birth date was listed as Aug. 15, 1964, suspiciously close to the TV series’ original air date in September 1964.

Sneaking in through air ducts not to bright

Saturday, May 26th, 2007

Body found in duct at Phoenix school

The body of a man who apparently tried to break into an elementary school was discovered Friday in an air conditioning duct on the school’s roof, police said.

The body at Sierra Vista Elementary School was found as a plumber investigated a foul odor noticed by cafeteria staff earlier in the day, said Roosevelt School District Superintendent Mark Dowling.

Authorities think the man tried to climb through the duct, got stuck and died. It wasn’t known how long the body was there.

Idiot criminal of the week

Sunday, May 20th, 2007

Burglarly Suspect Leaves Wallet at Scene

Police say a man suspected of burglarizing several vehicles left a key piece of evidence at the scene of the alleged crimes – his wallet, with identification and his parole card.

Christopher D. Hasty, 22, was arrested after he was pointed out by apartment complex residents who said they saw him flee a car in the parking lot. Several cars had been burglarized in the lot where officers found the wallet.

A Busy Week for Idiot Criminals

Thursday, May 10th, 2007

Burglar leaves behind explicit pictures of himself

Vancouver police on Wednesday were searching for a rather bold burglar who left behind a key piece of evidence at the scene of the crime. Investigators said the man took explicit photos of himself with the victim’s camera.

 The man is accused of following two girls home from Rieser Park on April 19. According to police, he made sexually suggestive requests and went inside the girl’s home. That’s when they say he grabbed a camera and snapped the explicit pictures.

Idiot criminals of the 90’s

Tuesday, May 8th, 2007

Couple Who Stole From Mob Got Whacked

Thomas and Rosemarie Uva were not exactly criminal geniuses.

The couple liked to rob Mafia-run social clubs in Little Italy and elsewhere around the city, which, as just about everyone knows, is a really good way to get killed.

They even had the audacity to force mobsters to drop their pants as they swiped their cash and jewelry and cleaned out their card games.

The holdups proved predictably hazardous: The Uvas got whacked on Christmas Eve 1992.

Idiot criminal of the week

Tuesday, May 8th, 2007

Man tried to sell blank ‘money’:

A man from Liberia is charged with trying to unload a bag of white paper he claimed was $4 million in cash at a New York hotel. The criminal complaint against Calvin Swen claims he was trying to find buyers for eight bricks of white paper that he claimed were incognito $100 bills, The New York Sun reported Monday.

Idiot Criminal of the Week

Thursday, May 3rd, 2007

Threatening Note Had Return Address

A state appeals court Wednesday refused to overturn the conviction of a prisoner who said no one ever saw him write a threatening letter to a judge.

The appeals court refused, saying the envelope was marked with Turner’s name, inmate number and the address of the prison in Green Bay.

“I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind that night”

Tuesday, May 1st, 2007

Loaded reptiles earn woman house arrest

A woman accused of holding police at bay by brandishing poisonous snakes was sentenced to house arrest and probation.

Jackson picked up two western diamondback rattlesnakes, a pigmy rattlesnake and two copperheads to try to keep police from taking her into custody, authorities said.

Jackson, who was raising the snakes for laboratories, received several bites during the standoff and was taken to a hospital after police subdued her with a stun gun.

“Obviously, he wasn’t a member of the MENSA society”

Friday, April 27th, 2007

AK-47 Receipt at Scene Leads to Suspect

Sheriff’s deputies tracked down a suspect in an armed robbery with a receipt he left at the scene of the crime, authorities said.

A man wearing a mask robbed an Orlando Hess station Monday, stealing $75 and two cartons of cigarettes, the sheriff’s office reported.

When deputies arrived at the gas station, someone noticed that the robber had left a gun case against a display rack. Inside the case, deputies found a receipt for a new AK-47 assault rifle.

Idiot Criminal of the Week

Thursday, March 15th, 2007

Suspect Leaves ID at Burglary Scene

Authorities in Iowa say a burglar left a calling card behind when he broke into an apartment. They found a Corrections Department identification card they think the burglar used to jimmy a lock.

He was on a mission from God

Saturday, March 10th, 2007

Driver Crashes Through Augusta Mall And His Journey Doesn’t Stop There:

A man drives his SUV through the Augusta Mall like he was driving on the street!

That driver is in jail tonight charged with several serious crimes, including DUI.

 ”He drove through locked glass doors. Continued through the mall and made a left turn and proceeded toward where the new food court is. When he gets to the new food court, the vehicle turns right. The vehicle then drives through those glass doors and exits the mall,” Lt. Tony Walden of the Richmond County Sheriff’s Office said.

God’s Check not good enough

Thursday, March 1st, 2007

Man Tried to Cash Check From God, Police Say

Kevin Russell found out it’s not easy trying to cash a check from God. The 21-year-old man was arrested Monday after he tried to cash a check for $50,000 at the Chase Bank in Hobart that was signed “King Savior, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Servant,” Hobart police Detective Jeff White said.

Russell was charged with one count attempted check fraud and one count intimidation, both felonies, and one count resisting law enforcement, a misdemeanor. He could face prison time.

Idiot Coke Dealer of the Week

Monday, February 19th, 2007

Aunt needed better briefing on bail funds

A man’s plans to bail himself out after a drug bust went more than a bit awry over the weekend. With the aid of a drug-sniffing dog, police found 48 grams of cocaine on the 32-year-old man after pulling him over for speeding, police said.

 The suspect then arranged for his aunt to bring a small safe, which he claimed contained money for his bail. But when his aunt opened the safe in front of a state trooper, they found cash, drug paraphernalia and 16 grams of cocaine, police said.

Idiot of the week

Friday, February 2nd, 2007

Florida Woman Who Faked Death Couldn’t Miss the Memorial Service

Here’s some good advice for anyone considering faking their death: Skip the memorial service. Alison Matera of New Port Richey, Fla., should have done just that last Friday, but instead her ruse was exposed when she sat among mourners, listening to friends and family celebrate her life. It all started, the St. Petersburg Times reported Friday, when the 27-year-old told members of her church choir that she was dying of cancer, and that she soon would start receiving treatments.

Hat tip to Kara!

Yet another reason not to go slashing tires

Friday, January 12th, 2007

 Man calls 911 after mischief goes awry:

Vandalism wasn’t supposed to be this painful. A vandalism suspect who told police that he had been drinking “way too much” almost sliced off his finger Monday night when he tried to slash a tire on a van on Timberline Drive. Police found the 23-year-old Grapevine man with his right pinkie cut through the bone.

Never take a BB gun to a gunfight

Friday, January 12th, 2007

Would-be robbers outgunned

Two Campbell County men toting a pellet gun picked the wrong house to rob Tuesday night when the homeowner grabbed a pistol and opened fire, authorities said.

“They brought a BB gun to a real gunfight,” LaFollette Police Department Detective Jeff Allen said.

Paul Lee Bourff was in stable condition Wednesday night at the University of Tennessee Medical Center in Knoxville. Police said Charles Green shot him in the chest as Bourff and Robert Wayne Evans, 24, held Green’s girlfriend at gunpoint in his living room at 905 E. Hemlock St. in LaFollette.

Don’t grope the officer’s ‘nads!

Thursday, January 11th, 2007

 Man accused of grabbing officer’s genitals:

According to police reports, Greenleaf approached an officer that was investigating an underage drinking party at a home on Sloan Circle, put his arm around the officer and allegedly grabbed the officer’s genitals. After being verbally warned that he could be arrested for such conduct, Greenleaf approached the officer again and grabbed him in the same manner, the report said.

Oil wars between Russia and the ’stans

Monday, January 8th, 2007

Azeris stop oil exports to Russia

The state oil company in Azerbaijan says it has stopped pumping oil to Russia amid a dispute between the two countries over energy prices.

Yet another reason not to claim gang membership if you aren’t really a member

Friday, January 5th, 2007

Four held in teen’s Russian roulette death in October:

Moments before his death last October in a secluded area near the banks of the Mississippi River in south Minneapolis, 17-year-old Trevor Marsh learned he was in a game of Russian roulette. Authorities say that Raine C. Neiss, 16, of Minneapolis, one of three people angry that Marsh was claiming to be a member of the Gangster Disciples, put a gun to Marsh’s head and declared, “the bullet will tell if you are telling the truth.”

This week’s idiot criminal

Thursday, January 4th, 2007

Alleged Burglar Has Booze, Passes Out

A burglar who smashed a glass door to break into a house couldn’t quite find his way back out after treating himself to some beans and booze, then passing out. Esteban Avila Jr., 45, allegedly entered the vacant home by smashing a sliding-glass door at the rear of the house just after noon Tuesday, said Santa Clara County Sheriff’s Deputy Serg Palanov. Avila apparently hung around the house for about two hours. During that time he helped himself to a can of beans and had a drink from the bar, Palanov said.

Today’s idiot criminal

Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007

Helpful drunk driver offers aid to police

German police arrested a man for drunk driving after he mistook a police spot check for a breakdown and stopped to help.

Hat tip to Edmund!

Idiot Criminals Fail Sweeds

Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007

Straw Goat Survives Christmas Unharmed

A giant straw goat that has been the target of a violent Christmas tradition for four decades survived the holiday season unharmed, Swedish officials said Tuesday. For once, they said, vandals failed to burn it down.

This week’s stoner idiot

Sunday, December 31st, 2006

Police Pull Over Man Smoking Pot, Find $250K Worth:

A man was caught with a quarter million dollars’ worth of marijuana Thursday evening after he was caught allegedly smoking a joint when police pulled him over on a traffic stop.

Yet another reason not to work at Dunkin Donuts

Friday, December 29th, 2006

GAL GOES CUCKOO OVER COCOA

A Brooklyn woman went dough-nuts, throwing a cup of steaming hot chocolate in the face of a Dunkin’ Donuts counter clerk after he failed to top the drink with whipped cream, police sources said yesterday. Crazed customer Jasmine Aly, 29, was whipped into such a frenzy about the beverage oversight that she also scratched the worker’s face and then ripped the door off a refrigerator and hit him in the head with it.

This week’s criminal idiot

Friday, December 29th, 2006

Police: Carjacker Gets Lost, Calls 911 On Self

Police said a man who carjacked an SUV in Boca Raton drove all the way to Palm Springs before becoming lost and calling 911 on himself. According to police reports, Claude King, 31, approached Caroline Funkey’s black GMC Envoy while it was stopped at a red light in Boca Raton. The report said King smashed the driver’s side window and pulled the driver out of the vehicle. Once inside, police said King began to punch the other four passengers.

A Toasty XMas in Nigeria

Tuesday, December 26th, 2006

Lagos pipeline blast kills scores:

At least 260 people have been killed and 60 injured in an oil pipeline blast in Nigeria’s commercial capital, Lagos, Nigerian Red Cross (NRC) officials say. Officials say they are still counting bodies and it is feared the death toll could be much higher.

The things we do for love

Saturday, December 23rd, 2006

Woman Allegedly Steals ID for Inmate Sex

A 29-year-old woman allegedly forged documents and assumed the identity of an Annapolis attorney, apparently for the sole purpose of having sex with an inmate at a Baltimore prison. “It was an elaborate scheme,” said Maj. Priscilla Doggett, a spokeswoman for the prison system. “I’m not aware of something like this ever occurring before.” Police charged Tiffany Gwen Weaver, of Reisterstown with seven counts stemming from the alleged incident, including forgery, fraud, and false use of government identification. She faces up to 10 years in prison.

Perhaps her powers are overestimated?

Saturday, December 23rd, 2006

Cops: Bronx Psychic Tried To Get Husband Killed

Foreseeing the future is Bonnie Davido’s business. But she didn’t see through an undercover detective posing as a hit man, police said. Davido, who runs a palm-reading business from her Bronx apartment, was being held on $100,000 bail, charged with conspiracy and criminal solicitation. Police said she plotted to have her husband’s mistress killed.