Karl's Weird News

Dan Rather Makes ‘Watermelon’ Quip in Depicting GOP Attacks on Obama:

Former CBS News anchor Dan Rather, speaking on the GOP’s expected strategy against Democrats in elections this fall, said Republicans would describe President Obama as “a nice person … very articulate” but an ineffective leader who “couldn’t sell watermelons if you gave him the state troopers to flag down the traffic.”

Rather prefaced the comments, made Sunday on the “Chris Matthews Show,” by saying, “The Republicans will make a case and a lot of independents will buy this argument.”

Rather is known for his homespun anecdotes, though his choice of language in this instance already is raising some eyebrows on media blogs, which note the potential “racial minefield.”

Japan’s new first lady says rode in a spaceship

Japan’s next prime minister might be nicknamed “the alien,” but it’s his wife who claims to have had a close encounter with another world.

“While my body was asleep, I think my soul rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus,” Miyuki Hatoyama, the wife of premier-in-waiting Yukio Hatoyama, wrote in a book published last year.

“It was a very beautiful place and it was really green.” Yukio Hatoyama is due to be voted in as premier on September 16 following his party’s crushing election victory over the long-ruling Liberal Democratic Party Sunday.

Miyuki, 66, described the extraterrestrial experience, which she said took place some 20 years ago, in a book entitled “Very Strange Things I’ve Encountered.”

Michael Jackson fears nose will fall off

MICHAEL Jackson is allegedly in constant fear of dying and is terrified his nose will fall off.

Close friends of the star said the singer is in a fragile state after being diagnosed with skin cancer, reports The Sun.

“Michael has become convinced that his nose is going to fall off,” a friend is said to have told the newspaper.

“The doctors have reassured him that this won’t happen,” another friend allegedly told The Sun.

“But Michael believes that the skin cancer will kill him and lives in constant fear of dying.

Madonna loses Malawi adoption bid:

A Malawian court has ruled that US pop star Madonna has failed in her bid to adopt a second child from the country.

 ”I must have to decline to grant the application to Madonna,” judge Esmie Chondo said in a ruling following a closed-door hearing on Friday.

The application has been rejected over residency rules.

Madonna, who flew to Malawi on Sunday, was not in court to hear the ruling over Chifundo James, three. It is not clear if she will appeal against it.

The 50-year-old singer applied to adopt Chifundo James, whose name translates into English as Mercy, on Monday.

Merengue Star Said to Fly Solo Into Mile-High Club

Merengue star Elvis Crespo has just given a new meaning to flying the friendly skies.

The Latin sensation was allegedly caught pleasing himself on a flight from Houston to Miami last week by a female passenger. Sometimes that in-flight movie can be so boring, you have to entertain yourself.

Crespo’s private time, however, was interrupted when the blanket he was under shifted, giving the woman an unexpected look at his package. The woman told a flight attendant, who in turn, told the pilot.

“I don’t recall doing that,” said the 37-year old Crespo.

JACKO IS AT DEATH’S DOOR: PAL

Michael Jackson is dying from a rare lung condition and needs a lifesaving transplant, according to his biographer.

The 50-year-old star has Alpha 1-antitrypsin deficiency, a genetic disorder that can severely damage the lungs and liver, according to writer Ian Halperin.

“A close friend of Jackson told [me] the singer is scared he won’t live longer than six months,” Halperin wrote on his Web site.

Driver Castroneves pleads not guilty in tax case:

Race car driver and “Dancing With The Stars” winner Helio Castroneves pleaded not guilty Friday to federal tax evasion charges and declared outside the courtroom that he would treat the case like a race against the Internal Revenue Service.

“I’m a race car driver,” the two-time Indianapolis 500 winner told reporters. “This is a very difficult situation. I’ll be strong and I’ll win this race.”

Castroneves, 33, spoke after his release on $10 million bail following a court appearance in which he was shackled in handcuffs and leg chains and was visibly weeping into a wad of white tissue. Outside, Castroneves acknowledged he was overwhelmed by the weight of the moment.

“It’s been a long day. It’s been an emotional day, obviously,” he said. “I am not guilty.”

 With that, Castroneves hopped into a waiting car and headed for a flight to Atlanta to participate in this weekend’s Petit Le Mans race. Terms of Castroneves’ release allow him to travel for work in the United States but not abroad, meaning he will likely miss a race later this month in Australia, said his attorney, Mark Seiden.

Former ‘Family Ties’ star Brian Bonsall remains a fugitive

Former child actor-turned-fugitive Brian Bonsall, who is wanted by authorities for skipping a court hearing last week, may have been successful in ducking the strong arm of the law — for now.

Bonsall, who most notably starred as Michael J. Fox’s little brother Andy Keaton on the 1980s TV series “Family Ties,” moved out of his home in north Boulder earlier this month.

A lock box hung on the door handle of his unit Thursday at the Aspen Grove condominiums, 2800 Kalmia Ave., and no one answered a knock on the door.

Aspen Grove facilities manager Gary Jones recalled seeing Bonsall moving furniture to a Dumpster at the complex over the Fourth of July weekend. Shortly thereafter, he said, the one-time kid star was gone.

Naomi Campbell banned from British Airways

Supermodel Naomi Campbell has been banned from traveling with British Airways after she spat in a policeman’s face.

The 37-year-old catwalk queen has pleaded with the company to change their minds.

“Naomi has been flying with BA for nearly 30 years and has been a good customer. She hopes this can be resolved amicably,” her rep said.

But the airline is adamant they will not allow Naomi to board one of their flights after she lost her temper in a row over a bag. A source said: “Banning her will send out a worldwide signal that such behavior is totally unacceptable.”

Disasters: ‘The Atlantic’ Attempts A New York Party, Bombs

Last night, the D.C.-based Atlantic magazine celebrated 150 years of thought at the Kimmel Center Loading Dock at N.Y.U. In a striking display of awful judgment, the VIPs (Arianna Huffington, Moby, the Mayor) were allowed (forced) to mingle on stage. The poors sat in chairs in the auditorium and watched.

Be sure to read the whole thing and watch the video. What a pathetic comment on the contemporary elite!

Jimmy Carter: He will slay your cat

To Sybil,

Lamentably, I killed your cat while trying just to sting it. It was crouched, as usual, under one of our bird feeders & I fired from some distance with bird shot. It may ease your grief somewhat to know that the cat was buried properly with a prayer & that I’ll be glad to get you another of your choice.

Paris Hilton Arrives at Jail to Finish Serving Sentence

A screaming, weeping Paris Hilton was back in the slammer Friday after a judge ordered her to go back to prison to serve out the remainder of her 45-day sentence for a probation violation in a reckless driving case.

Leaving the courthouse, Hilton shouted “It’s not right!”

“Mom!” she called out to her mother in the audience.

Magicians sue Japan TV networks:

A group of 49 Japanese magicians is suing two local television networks for revealing the secrets behind a series of coin tricks in news footage. The case, filed in Tokyo District Court on Tuesday, seeks damages of 1.9m yen (£8,239) from Nippon Television Network Corp and TV Asahi Corp. Magician Shintaro Fujiyama said the broadcasters had “deprived professional magicians of their assets”.

India court orders Gere’s arrest for “obscene” kiss

An Indian court ordered the arrest of Hollywood star Richard Gere on Thursday for kissing Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty at an AIDS campaign event this month saying it was an obscene act committed in public.

Gere’s repeated kisses on Shetty’s cheeks at an event to promote AIDS awareness in New Delhi sparked protests in some parts of India, mostly by Hindu vigilante groups, who saw it as an outrage against her modesty and an affront to Indian culture.

The order by a court in the northern city of Jaipur came in response to a complaint by a local lawyer.

The judge watched a video recording of Gere kissing Shetty and found him guilty of violating Indian laws against public obscenity, the lawyer, Poonam Chand Bhandari, said.

No, it’s not about gerbils this time:

Protesters burn effigies over Gere’s kisses

Richard Gere’s repeated kisses on the cheeks of Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty in an event to promote Aids awareness sparked protests in India with demonstrators burning effigies of the actors.

Footage of the Hollywood star sweeping Shetty backwards in a dramatic embrace at the Sunday night event in New Delhi was repeatedly aired on news channels.

Many saw the act as an outrage against Shetty’s modesty and Indian culture, though Shetty herself angrily dismissed the protests as an “over-reaction” that made India look silly.

Groups of men burned and kicked effigies of the actors in protests across India, including in the northern Indian cities of New Delhi, Kanpur, Meerut and Varanasi as well as in the central city of Indore.

Carol Burnett v. “Family Guy”

Comedian Carol Burnett, angered by her portrayal as a janitor in an adult film store in the animated TV show “The Family Guy,” has filed a copyright infringement lawsuit against Twentieth Century Fox, the program’s distributor. According to Burnett, 73, she was approached by Fox in mid-2005 for permission to use the theme song from “The Carol Burnett Show” in a “Family Guy” episode. She declined the request. It was then, Burnett alleges in a lawsuit filed yesterday in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles, that she became a target of the raunchy Fox show.

Maine man, 91, challenges fitness guru Jack LaLanne, 92 to a boxing bout:

All of that Florida sun must be getting to Maine snowbird Roland Fortin. The 91-year-old has laid down a challenge to box fitness guru Jack LaLanne, who’s 92. Fortin, former “cut man” for retired boxing champ Joey Gamache, said the idea for the four-round bout was hatched at the Tropical Gym in Pompano Beach, where Fortin works out during the winter in Florida.

 The South Florida Sun-Sentinel in Fort Lauderdale ran the challenge in a half-page ad that gym owner Troy Eckonen took out for Super Bowl Sunday. The purpose, he said, was to let seniors know it’s not too late to get in great shape like Fortin. “Florida is like the waiting room to the casket,” Ecknonen said.

Jacko Will Lose Beatles Catalog in ‘08

Michael Jackson had better hold on to whatever money he pocketed in Japan this week during a promotional tour.

I can report today that Jackson will lose his hold on the Beatles catalog and Sony/ATV Music Publishing on May 31, 2008. That date, revealed here for the first time, is known as the “Liquidation Sale” among insiders.

And Jackson knows this. He even hired a famous law firm, White & Case, to evaluate the deal he made with Sony and Fortress Investments when he refinanced his shaky empire last year.

I am the Antichrist – give me a baby

CRAZED Britney Spears tried to HANG herself with a bedsheet before pleading with her estranged husband to give her another baby, we can reveal.

In a week of rehab madness the bonkers beauty wrote the number of the beast, 666, on her shaved head before running round the clinic screaming “I am the Antichrist!” at frightened staff.

“Later that night she tried to kill herself,” a friend told us. “She attached a sheet to a light and tied it around her neck. Paramedics were called, but luckily she was unhurt.”

But within days out-of-control Britney had swung from SUICIDAL to MATRIMONIAL as she told hubby Kevin Federline she wanted to take him back, renew their wedding vows and get PREGNANT.

Hundreds Arrested During NBA All-Star Weekend:

Las Vegas police are reporting a high number of arrests over NBA All-Star weekend. As of Sunday, nearly 300 people involved in N-B-A-related festivities have been booked into the Clark County Detention Center since Thursday.

The New Fashion Cue: Britney Shears

On Friday night in Los Angeles, trainwreck pop-starlet Britney Spears walked into a hair salon and — in view of the cameras that have stalked her since adolescence — picked up a pair of clippers and shaved her head. The

25-year-old former Mouseketeer and mother of two then marched her bald head into a tattoo parlor and had a pair of tiny red and pink lips drawn onto her wrist.

Judge Appoints Lawyer to Advise on Custody of Anna Nicole Smith’s Body

A judge appointed a third-party, neutral lawyer to advise the court over what to do with former Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith’s body.

Broward County Circuit Judge Larry Seidlin appointed an attorney who is a neutral party, called an administrator ad litem, on Thursday to talk to all parties and come back with advice on what should be done.

Kiran Chetry gets an “Arrogant Disregard” letter

We may not see Kiran Chetry on Fox News Channel anymore.The news update and weekend anchor was in the middle of contract negotiations with the net, but they are no longer interested in matching any other offer she receives, according to a letter sent to her agent this afternoon.

In the letter, legal VP Dianne Brandi says “Chetry is free to leave Fox News prior to March 6 (the natural expiration of the agreement) with no further compensation.”

Why? Because, according to the letter, Chetry’s agent has “treated Fox News with such arrogant disregard that we do not desire to do any further business with you.”

Did Anna Use Sex to Gain Residency?

In yet another major twist in the saga of Anna Nicole Smith, this morning a Bahamian newspaper published two photographs on its front page — showing the former TRIMSPA spokesperson in her bed with the Bahamian immigration minister, Shane Gibson — the same guy who approved her application for permanent residency.

Anna Nicole Smith’s Wikipedia Entry Defaced As She Died

In the minutes following Anna Nicole Smith’s death today, her Wikipedia page went totally postal. A few bits of web-graffiti saved for posterity:

On February 8, 2007, Smith was found unresponsive in a room of the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida. She was rushed to hospital. A witness told local media that paramedics were pumping her chest when they took her out of the hotel. The also stuck bees in her mouth. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS [20] [21]

‘Factory’ is seen as fully unionized:

Sienna Miller and Hayden Christensen treat us to some utterly convincing lovemaking in their new movie, “Factory Girl.” And it’s no wonder: We hear the costars actually coupled on camera.

“It’s not simulated,” an insider tells us. “They’re really doing it.” In the movie, Miller plays doomed Andy Warhol protégé Edie Sedgwick. Christensen plays a folk rocker modeled after Bob Dylan.

Trump undoing deals

Back in 2003, when Trump was planning his downtown residential tower, he gave about 40 insiders an attractive deal: They could sign contracts to buy condominiums in the Trump International Hotel & Tower at a discount. In some cases they agreed to pay about $500 a square foot. But units in the building, still under construction, are on the market for as much as $1,343 a square foot. That would represent a tidy profit for these early purchasers. Except that Trump has notified them that their agreements are “null and void.”

Steve Wynn’s Bad Dream

Months after he accidentally poked a hole in a Picasso painting, casino magnate Steve Wynn today sued Lloyd’s of London for failing to pay off a $54 million insurance claim. Wynn, who purchased the painting “Le Reve” for $48.4 million in 1997, contends that the painting was worth $139 million when, on September 30, he “accidentally placed a tear” in it while showing the work (pictured at right) to friends visiting his Las Vegas office.