Archive for the ‘Doh!’ Category

Texas Christian Buttocks Branding

Friday, February 19th, 2010

Police say Texas student willingly had buttocks branded, no charges will be filed.

Breckenridge authorities said a Texas Christian University student who suffered burns when his peers branded his buttocks participated in the act willingly and no charges will be filed.

Authorities said Thursday they made the decision not to pursue charges after reviewing statements from Amon Carter IV and a dozen TCU students.

The Summit Daily News reported that Carter had Greek symbols from his fraternity and a sorority branded on his buttocks Jan. 8 during a trip to Breckenridge and needed surgery after suffering second-and third-degree burns.

Sometimes tracing your biological parents is not too brite

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

I traced my dad… and discovered he is Charles Manson

LIKE many adopted children, Matthew Roberts set about finding his biological parents with a mix of nerves and excitement. In particular, he hoped that discovering his father’s identity would help him to work out what made him the man he had become. But nothing could have prepared him for being told his dad was… serial killer CHARLES MANSON.

Over a five-week period in the summer of 1969, Manson and his Family of commune followers committed a series of nine gruesome murders. Victims included pregnant actress Sharon Tate, wife of film director Roman Polanski. Matthew, 41 – who bears a haunting resemblance to his father – sank into depression after discovering his identity.

He has since been in contact with his dad in a series of letters to his California prison and Manson has replied – each time chillingly signing off with a swastika. Now Matthew, who was given up for adoption as a baby, has told of his horror at finding out he was the son of a monster.

He says: “I didn’t want to believe it. I was frightened and angry. It’s like finding out that Adolf Hitler is your father. “I’m a peaceful person – trapped in the face of a monster.”

Spanking it and watching porn in your girlfriend’s house not too brite

Friday, July 17th, 2009

Man stabbed by La Crosse woman after watching porn

A La Crosse woman is accused of stabbing her boyfriend Tuesday afternoon after she caught him watching pornography and masturbating, according to La Crosse police reports.

Rachel Ferrara, 23, found her 24-year-old boyfriend inside her home at 920 Cameron Ave., No. 4, about 3:30 p.m., reports stated.

The couple argued and Ferrara accused the man of being a “(expletive) cheater,” reports stated. She punched him twice in the abdomen and kicked him in the groin, police said.

Ferrara then backed the man into the kitchen, where she grabbed a 5-inch serrated knife and slashed his arms before stabbing him in the abdomen, according to reports.

She reportedly refused his attempts to calm her down and screamed at him to leave.

Always watch where you’re going!

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009

Deal or No Deal contestant trips and falls five storeys to his death while ‘chatting’ on mobile phone

A bank clerk fell five storeys to his death down an office stairwell seconds after being seen using his mobile phone, an inquest heard yesterday.

Investigators are trying to establish if Richard Pow, 26, slipped and fell over the railing while distracted by the handset.

Mr Pow, whose fiance Eleanor Sharman is pregnant with his child, had cycled to work at the HBOS building in Leeds on Monday last week and had just used the office changing rooms on the fifth floor.

Deputy coroner Richard Manning said: ‘He was standing on the fifth floor stairwell landing, apparently either texting or using his mobile phone. Then a member of staff heard a very loud bang. ‘

Mr Pow’s body was found on the ground floor directly below where he had last been seen.

Three years ago Mr Pow won £20,000 on the Channel 4 gameshow Deal or No Deal.

56 stars and 15 minutes later, the truth

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

Girl with tattooed face admits she wanted all 56 stars

A TEENAGE girl who claimed 56 stars were tattooed on her face while she slept has admitted she lied and was awake the whole time.

London’s Daily Telegraph reported Kimberley Vlaminck, who said she fell asleep after asking for only three stars, lied because her father was “furious”.

She initially insisted she dozed had off after asking the tattooist for just three small stars – then woke in horror to find her face was covered.

More proof our biological warfare assets are in the best of hands

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

9,200 Uncounted Vials Found at Army Biodefense Lab

An inventory of deadly germs and toxins at an Army biodefense lab in Frederick found more than 9,200 vials of material that was unaccounted for in laboratory records, Fort Detrick officials said Wednesday.

The 13 percent overage mainly reflects stocks left behind in freezers by researchers who retired or left Fort Detrick since the biological warfare defense program was established there in 1943, said Col. Mark Kortepeter, deputy commander of the U.S. Army Medical Research Institute of Infectious Diseases.

He said the found material included Korean War-era serum samples from patients with Korean hemorrhagic fever, a disease still of interest to researchers pursuing a vaccine.

Other vials contained viruses and microbes responsible for Ebola, plague, anthrax, botulism and host of other ailments, Kortepeter said in a teleconference with reporters.

Yet another reason not to get face tattoos

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

What did she expect? Incredible face revealed of the man who tattooed girl with 56 stars when she only asked for three

A teenage girl is suing a tattoo artist for £10,000 after she allegedly asked him for three stars on her face – but ended up with 56.

Eighteen-year-old Kimberley Vlaminck paid £55 for ‘the graffiti that has ruined my life’ in her Belgian home town of Courtrai.

She claimed the Romanian tattooist who performed the artwork misunderstood her French and English. She claims she fell asleep while he was doing his work… and awoke to ‘this nightmare’.

But today, Rouslan Toumaniantz – himself covered from head to foot in tattoos and piercings – said he would help pay for treatment to remove the tattoos.

‘I maintain that she absolutely agreed that I tattoo those 56 stars on the left side of her face,’ he told newspaper La Derniere Heure. ‘

A witness, a woman who was present, has already been questioned by police, and she confirms it.

Kimberley says the tattoos have ruined her life

Rouslan Toumaniantz, who runs the tattoo parlour, says Kimberley asked for 56 stars.

‘But be that as it may: Kimberley is unhappy and it is not my wish to have an unsatisfied client. There is a way to remove the tattoos with the help of a laser. I accept to pay for half the cost.’

800 lbs and No Way Out

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009

800-pound corpse hoisted from downtown Fresno room

Fresno firefighters had to remove a wall and use an improvised pulley system to remove a man believed to weigh more than 800 pounds who was found dead in a downtown residential hotel Tuesday night. The 51-year-old man was not identified.

Fire Department spokesman Ken Shockley said that the removal effort, at the Asia Hotel near the intersection of Kern and G streets in Chinatown, was unlike anything anyone in the department has ever seen.

Fresno police officers and firefighters from Station 3 responded, then called for assistance from the fire department’s urban search and rescue unit when it became clear that they couldn’t remove the body in the normal way.

The Fresno Fire Department had to cut out part of the wall of the apartment to extract the man, who was believed to weigh more than 800 pounds.

“It was a major challenge, and our firefighters were trying at the same time to protect his identity and the dignity of his remains,” Shockley said.

Armless fun with Becks

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

David Beckham has some armless fun 

STUNNED David Beckham gasped in horror yesterday as he shook an injured Royal Marine’s hand — and it came off.

England hero Becks went ghostly pale as he clutched the limb while Commando Ben McBean screamed: “My arm! My arm!”

But the star’s shock turned to relief as onlookers howled with laughter and he realised he was holding Ben’s prosthetic arm rather than a real one.

Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three

Friday, March 20th, 2009

Pub is closed by Monty Python grenade

BUILDINGS were evacuated, a street was cordoned off and a bomb disposal team called in after workmen spotted a suspicious object.

But the dangerous-looking weapon turned out to be the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, made famous in the 1975 film Monty Python And The Holy Grail.

Police and a fire crew were first on the scene in Shoreditch, east London, when water company workers found a copy of the film prop under a fire hydrant cover.

They evacuated a pub and another building in Tabernacle Street, while office staff in another building were stopped from leaving.

“Not to brag, but I look good in a bikini. I could have done a perfect job there”

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009

Former Hooters girl Melody Morales sues Hawaiian Tropic Zone for discrimination:

A former Hooters girl who says she’s got the right assets – but the wrong accent – is suing the Hawaiian Tropic Zone for crushing her dream of working as one of its bikini-clad beauties.

Melody Morales said she was rejected for a job by a manager at the Times Square restaurant who griped, “You don’t speak white” and, “You are ghetto.”

The 21-year-old Latina lovely is the latest woman to file suit over alleged shenanigans at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone, where employees in skimpy beachwear parade nightly before diners.

Mi Sook You busted for Prostitution

Monday, August 18th, 2008

The Name Fits The Crime

Following an undercover operation, Colorado police this month broke up a prostitution operation running out of a massage parlor known as Tokyo Sauna. Broomfield Police Department officers arrested a 54-year-old woman on a prostitution charge and a 65-year-old male customer for patronizing a hooker. But the big catch was the 48-year-old woman who allegedly ran the prostitution operation. She was charged with pimping, pandering, and keeping a place of prostitution. Mi Sook You is her name

Carjacking unmarked police car not too brite

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

Carjackers’ nightmare: intended victims are two cops

A 22-year-old man is in custody after police said he and another man unwittingly tried to carjack an unmarked police car with two uniformed officers inside.

At 9:30 p.m. Thursday, the officers were investigating illegal fireworks activity in the 2200 block of Eastwood Avenue when a sports utility vehicle pulled up in front of their unmarked police sedan, said Santa Ana Police Department Comm. Steve Colon.

The two men got out of the SUV and took “an aggressive approach toward the officers,” Colon said. The driver acted as if he had a weapon in his waistband, police said.

At that point, the officers got out of the car; the two suspects ran back into their SUV and attempted to get away, Colon said. Police suspect the two men didn’t realize there were officers in the vehicle.

Canoeing over dam not too brite

Friday, July 4th, 2008

Eight dead as canoeists sucked into turbines

Divers pulled seven bodies out of the Sava River and fought strong currents Friday to search for five other missing people after two canoes were crushed running over a dam in southeastern Slovenia.

Two people managed to swim ashore after their boats broke up and capsized but one died Friday in the hospital, raising the death toll to 8, according police spokesman Pavel Perc. The second survivor remained hospitalized.

The accident happened late Thursday, when two large canoes decided to run over a dam under construction near Sevnica, a town 56 miles (90 kilometers) southeast of the capital of Ljubljana. At that section, the dam, part of a hydroelectric plant, is currently built only to about the height of the water.

Slovenian TV journalist Goran Rovan, who had been in one of the safe canoes, told the state-run news agency STA that the other canoes capsized and broke apart when they hit the whitewater passing through the dam gates. The occupants fell into the river and were sucked by the rapids into the underwater tunnel leading to the generator turbines.

Tiki Torch Oil Ain’t Apple Juice

Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008

Woman Dies After Accidentally Drinking Torch Oil

New Jersey poison control officials said a Burlington County woman has died and five other people have been sickened in separate incidents around the state after accidentally drinking small amounts of oil used to light patio torches.

Officials said the victims mistakenly thought they were drinking apple juice.

Steve Marcus, executive director of the New Jersey Poison Information and Education System, said the 84-year-old woman died Monday night after suffering lung damage caused by ingesting the kerosene-like substance.

Was Obama’s Birth Certificate Photoshopped?

Tuesday, June 24th, 2008

Faked birth certificate suggests Obama may not be US citizen

It is now a virtual certainty that the “birth certificate” claimed by the Barack Obama campaign as authentic is a photoshopped fake.

The image, purporting to come from the Hawaii Department of Health, has been the subject of intense skepticism in the blogosphere in the past two weeks.

It has become even more suspect with the revelation that variations of the certificate image were posted on the Photobucket image aggregation website — including one listing the location of Obama’s birth as Antarctica, one with the certificate supposedly issued by the government of North Korea, and another including a purported photo of baby Barack — one of which has a “photo taken” time-stamp just two minutes before the article and accompanying image was posted on the left-wing Daily Kos blog.

That strongly suggests that Daily Kos obtained the image from Photobucket, not the State of Hawaii, the Obama family, or the Obama campaign. Photobucket is not known as a credible supplier of official vital records for any of the fifty states, and the liberties that other Photoshoppers took with the certificates confirms this.

How not to premiere your movie

Wednesday, May 28th, 2008

‘Sex and the City’ premiere turns ugly

The “Sex and the City” premiere at Radio City Music Hall became all the rage Tuesday night after a ticket snafu left thousands of fashionistas all dressed up with absolutely no place to go.

Organizers of the celeb-studded event overbooked the 6,000-seat theater, leaving bounced fans fuming.

The angry crowd surged against police barricades, cursing and stomping their Manolo Blahniks.

Security officials said up to 2,000 people – who had gotten tickets through promotional giveaways authorized by movie studio New Line Cinema – were shut out of the screening.

Doh! Balloon escapes without parachutist occupant

Tuesday, May 27th, 2008

Balloon blows away free fall record bid

French skydiver Michel Fournier’s bid for a record-breaking parachute jump from Earth’s stratosphere was aborted Tuesday when the balloon that was to carry him into the far reaches of the sky slipped away from his flight crew.

The former paratrooper had hoped to set new records for the highest jump, fastest free fall, longest free fall and the highest altitude reached by a man in a balloon. But those hopes drifted away over the plains of Saskatchewan when the balloon escaped.

Still clad in his bright yellow pressure suit, the visibly frustrated Fournier waved away cameras after his ride slipped away shortly after 5 a.m. (7 a.m. ET). There was no immediate word on how the effort was botched, but his flight crew was attempting to recover the balloon, according to his official Web site.

Forgotten for 35 years…

Friday, May 16th, 2008

Woman’s dead body lies in flat for 35 years

Governments have changed. War erupted and ended. Neighbors had children, and then grandchildren. But Hedviga Golik never left her tiny apartment in Croatia’s capital — until her mummified body was carried out this week, 35 years after she died.

Police said Friday that no one ever reported Golik missing and no one has come to claim her body.

Residents of her loft building in downtown Zagreb had broken into Golik’s flat after deciding that the apartment should belong to them, and not to her. Startled by the remains in bed, they called police.

Forensics experts said Golik likely died in 1973, about the time a neighbor last saw her. Expert Davor Strinovic said she seemed to have died of natural causes, but “it’s almost impossible to say for certain” after so much time.

Some of Golik’s neighbors claimed she had talked about going abroad.

Barbecue with gasoline not too brite

Tuesday, May 13th, 2008

Cars Fried in Barbecue Blaze: How Not to Cook Sausages

Two men trying to barbecue on their balcony on Saturday evening ignored some elementary rules on sausage cooking, police said.

The men, enjoying the sunny spring weather with their wives, couldn’t get the coal to light with their lighter liquid so the 37-year-old host decided to pour a glass of petrol on it instead.

That did the trick. “The resulting darting flame made him drop the glass of petrol. That in turn startled his 28-year-old friend who dropped the petrol canister, which contained between three and five liters, onto the floor,” police in the southwestern German city of Kaiserslautern said in a statement.

The burning liquid ran off the balcony onto the host’s car which burst into flames. The fire then engulfed his wife’s car next to it as well another car parked on the other side.

Penis thieves terrorize Congo

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

Penis theft panic hits city.

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo’s sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

Toilet Explosion in Johnson City

Thursday, April 17th, 2008

Johnson City man unharmed by exploding toilet

A 61-year-old Johnson City man said he wasn’t injured Wednesday when a toilet exploded with water and launched him against a wall.

Richard Szymanski said he was using his son’s toilet at 69 Carlton St., Johnson City, when steam started coming out the toilet after he flushed. Before he could stand up the toilet shot out hot water and he was thrown a few feet into a shower wall.

“It was kind of hot there for a minute,” said Szymanski.

On knowing the meaning of ‘butthurt.’

Sunday, April 13th, 2008

Today I know the meaning of ‘butthurt.’

If it were later than 12:16 p.m. and if I had eaten anything yet today, I would take a double shot of whiskey right now. I might do it anyway because any negative repercussions from that would have to be better than feeling every ounce of pain I’m enduring today.

I am doing my taxes.

And you know what, right this second, I’m NOT proud to be an American. I’m not even proud to be a human being today. I am certainly not enjoying the fact that I share air and a planet with whatever assholes invented and maintain the IRS.

It makes me want to blow shit up. Not people, that would be taking it too far, but definitely shit. Like watermelons and outhouses and maybe even a taco truck.

So far, after a basic run-through with Turbotax, it looks like I’m gonna have to write a check for over $11,000. THIS IS MORE THAN 30% OF MY TAXABLE INCOME. About 23% of my gross income. What is this, goddamn commie Russia?

So in honor of this day of misery and brimstone, I would like to offer some heartfelt sentiments to certain people.

Be sure to read the whole thing!

Lonely Planet scandal emerges

Saturday, April 12th, 2008

Lonely Planet rocked by claims of free trips, plagiarism

THE Lonely Planet guidebook empire is reeling from claims by one of its authors that he plagiarised and made up large sections of his books and dealt drugs to make up for poor pay.

Thomas Kohnstamm, whose explosive new book Do Travel Writers Go To Hell? is out this month, also claims to have accepted freebies in contravention of the Melbourne-based company’s policies.

Kohnstamm told The Sunday Mail yesterday he had worked on more than a dozen books for Lonely Planet, including their titles on Brazil, Colombia, the Caribbean, South America, Venezuela and Chile.

In one case he said that he had not even visited the country he had written about.

“They didn’t pay me enough to go Colombia,” he said.

“I wrote the book in San Francisco. I got the information from a chick I was dating who was an intern in the Colombian Consulate.”

Yet another reason to know your sirens

Thursday, April 10th, 2008

Police: Men Mistake FDNY For Police, Jump From Window

Firefighters responded to a smoke condition call in Queens early Wednesday and found that four men had jumped from the widow of the building, apparently believing police were raiding the location.

The building at 35-12 Farrington Street in Flushing is known as an illegal gambling location police said.

The four men were found in the alleyway suffering from various injuries, including leg and ankle fractures, and were taken to the hospital. They had jumped out of a window several stories up, authorities said.

Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them

Sunday, March 2nd, 2008

MISS-LEADING

Deceit, thy name is woman.

Most females lie “more cleverly and successfully than men” about everything from infidelity and facelifts to barhopping and shopping binges, according to a new book.

“Women lie as a survival technique, but also to get what they want,” said Susan Shapiro Barash, author of “Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets: The Truth About Why Women Lie,” published by St. Martin’s Press this week.

Barish said a Rockland County woman stripped of her secrets on Fox TV’s reality show “Moment of Truth” last week proves her research true.

“They took a cue stick to his head, and someone popped him one.”

Sunday, March 2nd, 2008

Pool hall patrons scratch holdup try

The pool cue can be mightier than the gun.

That seemed to be the message sent by patrons of a San Francisco pool hall Friday night when they disarmed an alleged would-be robber.

San Francisco police said Mario K. Woods, 18, entered the crowded Billiard Palacade in the Outer Mission shortly after 10 p.m. and allegedly attempted to rob a patron at gunpoint in the bathroom.

But the patron – a carambolero, or player of a three-ball form of billiards called carambole – wrestled with his assailant, according to pool hall owner Mirna Batres. The patron’s brother and cousin came to his aid.

“They brought him out, and somebody else grabbed the gun,” said Batres, who wasn’t present during the robbery attempt but watched it afterward on a security videotape. “Then my patrons got involved and said, ‘Not in our pool room.’ “

Fun and Games in Toledo City Hall

Friday, February 22nd, 2008

City phone greeting calls mayor a ‘moron’

A Toledo city hall prank at the expense of Mayor Carty Finkbeiner created a downtown whodunit yesterday.

For several hours during the day, the telephone voice mail greeting for the city’s purchasing hot line was, “Carty Finkbeiner is a complete moron.”

Katerina Bekyarska, a spokesman for Mr. Finkbeiner, said the outgoing message was changed immediately after it was brought to her attention.

“Someone obviously went in and – trying to do a joke, not a very good one – went in and recorded the message,” Ms. Bekyarska said.

Million Dollar Oops

Friday, February 15th, 2008

Musician’s Fall Down Stairs Smashes $1M Violin to Bits

Can his fractured fiddle — a million-dollar Guadagnini — be fixed? It’s too early to tell.

David Garrett, a former model who has been called the David Beckham of the classical scene, said he tripped while carrying his 18th century violin as he was leaving London’s Barbican Hall after a performance, smashing it to bits.

“I had it over my shoulder in its case and I fell down a concrete flight of stairs backward,” Garrett said Thursday. “When I opened the case, much of my G.B. Guadagnini had been crushed.”

Garrett said he bought the 1772 violin for US$1 million in 2003, and he is now hoping to get it repaired in New York, where he is based.

Hat tip to Kara!

Yet another reason to think before you shred

Friday, January 18th, 2008

Fan Mistakenly Shreds Playoff Ticket

A little housecleaning nearly cost the Rev. Walter Hermanns a seat at Sunday’s National Football Conference championship game. Hermanns, who has multiple sclerosis and uses a wheelchair, was getting some help from a friend last Friday when he asked him to take care of a stack of papers left in a bin for shredding.

When his friend got to four Green Bay Packers tickets bundled together with a rubber band, he took off the band, put one in the shredder and then stopped short.

“Something rang a bell and he said, ‘Are you sure you want to shred these?’” Hermanns said.

Too late. The ticket was in shreds.

“Gonna Get Me A Shotgun and Kill Every Human I See”

Tuesday, January 8th, 2008

Dog steps on gun, kills Baytown teacher

In a freak hunting accident, a Baytown man was killed over the weekend when his dog stepped on his loaded shotgun, triggering a discharge that penetrated his truck’s tailgate and then struck him, officials said.

Perry Alvin Price III was hunting on a lease near Stowell in Chambers County Saturday and had shot down a goose but had not seen where it landed, sheriff’s investigators said.

The 46-year-old math teacher from Baytown’s Robert E. Lee High School then put his shotgun in the back of his truck and was about to open the tailgate to release his tracking dog when the shotgun fired, investigators said. The blast struck Price in the thigh.

More fun with crank calls

Wednesday, December 26th, 2007

 Staff Fired After Prank Call Shock Treatments

Staff members at a group home made multiple mistakes when they followed a prank caller’s direction to give dozens of electrical shocks to two emotionally disturbed teenagers, according to a report by a state agency that investigated the incident.

The report by the Massachusetts Department of Early Education and Care said six staffers at a Stoughton residence run by the Canton-based Judge Rotenberg Education Center had ample reason to doubt the orders to administer the shocks, but did nothing to stop it.

The six staff members and video surveillance worker on duty that night have been fired, Ernest Corrigan, the school’s spokesman, said Thursday.

Initial investigations showed that a former student at the Judge Rotenberg Education Center allegedly called in orders for electric shock treatments on Aug. 26 and officials at the school self-reported the prank call and unnecessary treatments the day after they occurred, Cindy Campbell, a spokeswoman for the state Department of Early Education and Care, said Monday.

After the call, the teens, ages 16 and 19, were awakened in the middle of the night and given the shock treatments, at times while their legs and arms were bound. One teen received 77 shocks and the other received 29. One boy was treated for two first-degree burns.

Never chase your hat down a garbage chute

Wednesday, December 19th, 2007

Man survives six story fall into trash compactor

A man who fell six stories into a trash compactor that activated when he hit survived the ordeal, Moline police said.

The incident occurred at about 5 a.m. Saturday at the Hillside Heights Apartments, 825 17th St., according to a news release issued Tuesday by Moline Police Lt. Jerome Patrick.

Police were called to the building by a resident who could hear a male voice yelling for help near the elevator shaft, Patrick said.

Building maintenance responded, released the trash compactor and pulled the man out of the bin, he said.

Patrick said that Alfonzo Gomez, 26, explained that he was at a party on the sixth floor when he went to throw some trash out. As he threw the bag into the chute, his hat fell off his head and went into the chute.

Yet another reason not to pee in public

Sunday, December 16th, 2007

Pup latches onto urinating man

A DRUNKEN man urinating through a fence got a nasty surprise when a playful puppy in the adjoining lot latched onto his member.
Kann Veasna took a break from drinking wine at a street stall to relieve himself through a hole in a fence, according to news agency DPA.

However a puppy spotted the Mr Veasna’s appendage as it poked through and apparently thinking it was a toy latched on, newspaper Rasmei Kampuchea reported.

300-lbs + 40-Foot Fall = OK

Sunday, December 16th, 2007

300-lb Man OK After 40-Foot Shaft Fall

A construction worker who fell about 40 feet down an elevator shaft is nearly unhurt, with no serious injuries. District of Columbia Fire and EMS spokesman Alan Etter said the man, who’s about 25 years old, was working on a house under construction in Southeast Washington Friday morning.

The worker, who Etter says weighs more than 300 pounds, was standing on a plywood platform in the elevator shaft at the top level of the house.

The board couldn’t support his weight and the man fell 40 feet down the shaft before he crashed into the basement. He broke two more platforms on his way down.

Yet another humiliating dropped gun story

Sunday, December 16th, 2007

Man Accidentally Shoots Self in Buttocks

A Scottsdale man inadvertently shot himself in the buttocks Thursday morning. Scottsdale police Sgt. Mark Clark said Daniel Leatherman, 26, heard a disturbance outside his apartment and saw a man he knew fighting with a cab driver.

Leatherman told police that the man, Cody Nunn, 25, had assaulted him in the past, so he grabbed his gun and went outside.

Leatherman told police that he accidentally dropped the gun while hiding it behind his back and shot himself in the derriere.

Meta-Mafia Update

Saturday, December 1st, 2007

Mafia boss arrested while watching Mafia TV show

Italian police burst into the room of a suspected Mafia mobster in Sicily and arrested him as he watched a television show about the arrest of a Mafia boss, investigators said Friday.

Police said Michele Catalano was watching the concluding chapter late Thursday of the TV mini-series “The Boss of Bosses,” recounting the arrest in 1993 of real-life Cosa Nostra leader Salvatore “Toto” Riina, when he was detained.

They Catalano, 48, was suspected of being a senior commander serving under the latest “boss of bosses” Salvatore Lo Piccolo, who was arrested this month after nearly 25 years on the run.

Catalano faces charges of drug trafficking and extortion.

When Gorilla-grams go bad

Saturday, November 10th, 2007

Stripper Mistakenly Sent to School, Whips Teen

Officials at a U.K. high school were aghast after a stripper visited a student during class and whipped him in front of other students and a horrified teacher, Sky News reported Thursday.

A booking error is to blame after a mother arranged to send a “gorilla gram” to her son on his 16th birthday, an arrangement she cleared with Nottingham’s Arnold Hill School and Technology College. Instead, the agency sent a stripper clad in a policewoman costume, Sky reported.

Justice, Queens-Style

Thursday, November 8th, 2007

Bodega owner slashes gun-toting thug who tried to rob him

A Queens bodega owner served up some instant justice when he slashed a gun-toting thug who tried to rob him Wednesday, cops said.

The 28-year-old bandit squeezed off two rounds but was still no match for the deli man, who dodged the bullets and chopped off the robber’s ear and finger with a machete, police said.

The incident unfolded at Erick Grocery on 77th St. in Woodhaven about 5 p.m., police said.

$53,000 in lap dances!

Tuesday, October 30th, 2007

Stripped at Club 10

Two months after a recent college graduate incurred $53,000 in charges at a gentleman’s club on Okaloosa Island, investigators are reviewing allegations of fraud and larceny.

Tommy Salter, 24, of Warner Robbins, Ga., was at Club 10 early Aug. 18, celebrating his graduation from Georgia Tech, according to his father and an Okaloosa County Sheriff’s report.

Salter told Club 10 employees he could only spend $600, according the report.

But his dad, 52-year-old Joe Salter of Mary Esther, was shocked by the $53,000 charge that ended up on a joint American Express credit card account he shares with his son.

Concentrated Idiocy in the House Judiciary Committee

Saturday, October 27th, 2007

D’Oh: House Panel Screw-Up Reveals Whistleblower Email Addresses

Here’s a whoops with a capital W.

This summer the House Judiciary Committee launched an effort to collect tips from would-be whistleblowers in the Justice Department. The U.S. attorney firings scandal had shown that much was amiss in the Department, and with the danger of retaliation very real, the committee had set up a form on the committee’s website for people to blow the whistle privately about abuses there. Although the panel said it would not accept anonymous tips, it assured those who came forward that their identity would be held in the “strictest confidence.”

But in an email sent out today, the committee inadvertently sent the email addresses of all the would-be whistleblowers to everyone who had written in to the tipline. The committee email was sent to tipsters who had used the website form, including presumably whistleblowers themselves, and all of the recipients of the email were accidentally included in the “to:” field — instead of concealing those addresses with a so-called blind carbon copy or “bcc:”.

Fun with Crank Calls Update

Sunday, October 7th, 2007

Ex-McDonald’s employee awarded $6.1 million after strip search hoax

A Kentucky jury has ordered McDonald’s Corp. to pay a 21-year-old former employee $6.1 million US after she was strip searched and sexually abused at one of their restaurants as part of a phone hoax.

Louise Ogborn, 21, had sued McDonald’s Corp. for negligence, claiming it failed to warn her and other employees about a caller who already struck other McDonald’s stores and other fast-food restaurants across the country.

In her lawsuit, Ogborn claimed that in April 2004, someone called McDonald’s in Mount Washington, Ky., pretending to be a police officer.

The caller described a young, female employee and said she had stolen from a customer, the lawsuit said.

The caller instructed an employee to strip search the woman, according to the lawsuit.

If you ever wanted to know what’s wrong with our culture, read on

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007

Be sure to read the whole thing, including the excellent response from a poster:

Great Moments in Golddiggery

A friend working on Wall Street forwarded an alleged New York Craigslist posting. I thought it might be too good to be true. I reluctantly googled it and found that it was on Craigslist but has been removed. It sounds like it still might be a hoax of some kind. Here’s an similar San Francisco post. Still, with all relevant caveats, here it is:

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.
I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think
I’m overreaching at all.

Supernanny training doesn’t last long

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007

Supernanny kids torch home

A FAMILY who enlisted the services of TV’s Supernanny to help them control their unruly children has been left homeless after their three-year-old apparently set fire to the living room.
Childcare guru Jo Frost spent two weeks with the Young family in 2005, teaching them how to reward good behaviour and to sit their children down on ” naughty stools ” when they misbehaved.

Now, just two years after Supernanny left the Young’s to practice their new disciplinary regime, three-year-old Joel allegedly started a fire in the living room with a kitchen stove lighter.

Yet another reason to avoide Microsoft Office 2007

Sunday, September 30th, 2007

Microsoft Excel : Calculation Issue Update

Yesterday evening we were alerted to an issue in Excel 2007 (and Excel Services 2007) involving calculation of numbers around 65,535. The first example that we heard about was =77.1*850, but it became clear from our testing as well as additional reports that this was just one instance where Excel 2007 would return a value of 100,000 instead of 65,535. The majority of these additional reports were focused on multiplication (ex. =5.1*12850; =10.2*6425; =20.4*3212.5 ), but our testing showed that this really didn’t have anything do to with multiplication – it manifested itself with many but not all calculations in Excel that should have resulted in 65,535 (=65535*1 and =16383.75*4 worked for instance). Further testing showed a similar phenomenon with 65,536 as well. This issue only exists in Excel 2007, not previous versions.

Be careful if you cheat online!

Saturday, September 22nd, 2007

Cyber cheats married… to each other

A married couple are divorcing after they chatted each other up on the Internet using fake names.

Sana Klaric and husband Adnan poured their hearts out to each other over their marriage troubles.

Using the names ‘Sweetie’ and ‘Prince of Joy’ in a online chatroom, the pair thought they had found a soulmate with whom to spend the rest of their lives.

Classic TV station coming to Hawaii

Saturday, July 28th, 2007

K-WHAT? Unbuilt Maui TV station lands questionable call letters

THE call letters KUNT have landed at a yet-unbuilt low-power digital television station in Wailuku, Maui.

Alarmingly similar to a word the dictionary says is obscene, the call letters were among a 15-page list of new call letters issued by the Federal Communications Commission and released this week.

The same station owner also received KWTF for a station in Arizona.

From Skokie, Ill., comes a sincere apology “to anyone that was offended,” said Kevin Bae, vice president of KM Communications Inc., who requested and received KUNT and KWTF. It is “extremely embarrassing for me and my company and we will file to change those call letters immediately.”

Mmm, Donuts

Tuesday, July 17th, 2007

Wish for rain to wash away Homer

Pagans have pledged to perform “rain magic” to wash away a cartoon character painted next to their famous fertility symbol – the Cerne Abbas giant.

A doughnut-brandishing Homer Simpson was painted next to the giant on the hill above Cerne Abbas, Dorset, to promote the new Simpsons film.

Many believe the ancient chalk outline of the naked, sexually aroused giant to be a symbol of ancient spirituality.

Many couples also believe the 180ft carving aids fertility.

Yet another weather-balloon-and-lawn-chair pilot

Tuesday, July 10th, 2007

Oregon man takes lawn chair up to 13,000 feet, travels 193 miles

Last weekend, Bend gas station owner Kent Couch settled down in his lawn chair with some drinks and snacks – and a parachute.

Attached to the lawn chair were 105 balloons of various colors, each 4 feet around. Bundled together, the balloons rise three stories high.

Couch carried a global positioning system device, a two-way radio, a digital camcorder and a cell phone. He also had instruments to measure his altitude and speed and about four plastic bags holding five gallons of water each to act as a ballast – he could turn a spigot, release water and rise.

Destination: Idaho.

Nearly nine hours later, Couch was short of Idaho. But he was 193 miles from home, in a farmer’s field near Union, having crossed much of Oregon at 11,000 feet and higher.

A really shitty way to go!

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007

5 dead in Virginia farming accident

Deadly methane gas emanating from a dairy farm’s manure pit killed five people, including four members of a Mennonite family, authorities said.

Emergency workers speculate each of the victims climbed into the pit in a frantic attempt to rescue the others. “It was a domino effect with one person going in, the second person going after them,” Sheriff Don Farley said.

Farley identified the victims as Scott Showalter, 33; his wife, Phyillis, 34; their children, Shayla, 11, and Christina, 9; and Amous Stoltzfus, 24, who worked at the Showalter’s dairy farm in the Briery Branch community.

Life imitates The Simpsons

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007

7-Elevens turn into ‘Simpsons’ Kwik-E-Marts

Over the weekend, 7-Eleven Inc. turned a dozen stores into Kwik-E-Marts, the fictional convenience stores of “The Simpsons” fame, in the latest example of marketers making life imitate art.
A Dallas, Texas, 7-Eleven has temporarily become a Kwik-E-Mart as a tie-in to “The Simpsons Movie.”

Those stores and most of the 6,000-plus other 7-Elevens in North America will sell items that until now existed only on television: Buzz Cola, KrustyO’s cereal and Squishees, the slushy drink knockoff of Slurpees.

It’s all part of a campaign to hype the July 27 opening of “The Simpsons Movie,” the big-screen debut for the long-running television cartoon, which loves to lampoon 7-Eleven as a store that sells all kinds of unhealthy snacks and is run by a man with a thick Indian accent.

Frauenmangel!

Sunday, July 1st, 2007

We ain’t got dames

A NEW disease is abroad in eastern Germany: Frauenmangel, lack of women. In some towns there are only 75 young women for every 100 young men. In one or two there are as few as 40. The effects are worrying, not only because populations may shrink but also because of the existence of a growing underclass of young men who are partnerless, underqualified and jobless.

A study by the Berlin Institute for Population and Development has looked at Herzberg and Ebersbach, two small towns in eastern Germany. “Even the mayor of Ebersbach hadn’t realised this is going on,” says Reiner Klingholz, the institute’s director. It is a vicious spiral. Girls are more studious than boys, so they get better qualified and migrate west to find both partners and jobs. The boys lack role models at home, where fathers are often unemployed, and at school, where teachers are mostly female. Young men now account for 65% of German high-school dropouts.

Consider this your German Neo-Nazi Storm Warning…

Yet another reason not to shag on the roof of a tall building!

Wednesday, June 20th, 2007

Naked couple die from S.C. rooftop fall

Police on Wednesday were investigating how a naked couple fell 50 feet from the roof of a downtown office building to their deaths.

The bodies were found on the road by a passing cabdriver around 5 a.m. Wednesday.

Clothing was discovered on the roof, leading authorities to suspect the man and woman, in their early 20s, may have been having sex. Their identities were not released.

Hat tip to Parky!

The horror of local democracy

Tuesday, June 19th, 2007

Unwanted Result of Ballot Confusion: A Beerless Town

This sleepy Finger Lakes town, which does not lay claim to any actual lakefront, misses much of the tourism that helps support the picturesque region. Agriculture is the main industry here in this dot of a town of 1,800, where drivers have to yield to roosters that wander onto the road.

Without help, the nearest six-pack will soon be 10 miles from Potter.

There are no bars or liquor stores, but the town does have three restaurants and one small grocery, which has long sold beer, lots of beer.

Residents say that nearly two years ago they made a sobering mistake that has bedeviled them ever since. While trying to grant one of the restaurants permission to serve beer and wine with meals, voters unwittingly banned the sale of all alcohol in the town’s 37 square miles.

Hat tip to Joey!

2 1/2 years for tearing off boyfriend’s ‘nads

Thursday, June 14th, 2007

Woman jailed for testicle attack

A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend’s testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: “That’s yours.”

Monti admitted wounding and was jailed for two-and-a-half years.

High Speed Wheelchair

Thursday, June 7th, 2007

Semi-truck takes man and wheelchair for a ride down Red Arrow Highway

A 21-year-old man was taken on a wild ride Wednesday afternoon when the wheelchair he was in became attached to the grille of a semi-truck and was taken four miles down a highway at about 50 mph.

The man, whose name police did not release, was not injured. The driver was unaware he was pushing the man, according to a news release from the Michigan State Police.

Authorities began receiving calls about 4 p.m. that the semi was traveling westbound on Red Arrow Highway, just outside of Paw Paw, with the wheelchair.

Communism – Coma – Democracy

Saturday, June 2nd, 2007

Democracy stuns Polish coma man

A 65-year-old railwayman who fell into a coma following an accident in communist Poland regained consciousness 19 years later to find democracy and a market economy, Polish media reported on Saturday.

Wheelchair-bound Jan Grzebski, whom doctors had given only two or three years to live following his 1988 accident, credited his caring wife Gertruda with his revival.

“It was Gertruda that saved me, and I’ll never forget it,” Grzebski told news channel TVN24.

“For 19 years Mrs Grzebska did the job of an experienced intensive care team, changing her comatose husband’s position every hour to prevent bed-sore infections,” Super Express reported Dr Boguslaw Poniatowski as saying.

“When I went into a coma there was only tea and vinegar in the shops, meat was rationed and huge petrol lines were everywhere,” Grzebski told TVN24, describing his recollections of the communist system’s economic collapse.

Bank Error in Your Favor, Collect $2.6 Million

Thursday, May 31st, 2007

Oops! Check for millions misdirected to woman

A single typo erroneously sent a $2.6 million state check to a Hopkins High School employee who is charged with four felonies for allegedly spending much of the money on luxury cars, a U.S. treasury bond and an individual retirement account.

When Sabrina Walker, 37, appeared in Hennepin County District Court on Wednesday, she did not enter a plea. A warrant was issued for her boyfriend, Charles Lockhart, who authorities said helped spend the money.

The check was intended for the Hennepin County Medical Center, one of 17 hospitals receiving payment at the time, said Tim Wilkin, assistant Human Services commissioner. A single digit was typed wrong in the vendor number, and the check went to Walker. The typing was proofread by another employee, but the error was not spotted, Wilkin said.

How to impress your girlfriend

Wednesday, May 30th, 2007

Guinea pig ‘fried for dinner’

A German bricklayer, who accused his girlfriend of liking her pet guinea pig more than him, killed the pet and turned it into a “romantic” dinner for two.

Lara Hochner, 23, from Darmstadt only found out what had happened when she went to her beloved pet Rudi after the candle-lit meal, to make sure he had enough food and water.

When she realised he was not there, her 29-year-old boyfriend Werner Brenner admitted that the couple had just eaten the animal.

Be careful when you foreclose on someone’s house!

Sunday, May 27th, 2007

Man uses pigs to trash own house after foreclosure

Police in Clackamas County are looking for a man they say locked three live pigs in his house in the hopes that they would trash the place. All because he was upset the home went into foreclosure.

Police say the 33-year-old homeowner intentionally locked three pigs inside his home after it went into foreclosure.

Detective Jim Strovink with the Clackamas County Sheriff’s Office said deputies are trying to find 33-year-old Shane Lovett.

Lovett bought a home on SE Wildcat Mountain Drive in Eagle Creek a few years ago. In January the house went into foreclosure. Neighbors told police that Lovett was extremely distraught over the the situation. He apparently told several that he had put the animals inside the house over a week ago and even joked about the fact that they did not have any water.

Golf Cart Cliff Diving

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007

Golfer dies after cart plunges off cliff

A golfer died Tuesday after his golf cart plunged 75 feet off a cliff and crashed onto a road below, authorities said.

The 65-year-old man teed off with three friends on the second hole of the Pala Mesa Resort Golf Course about 50 miles north of San Diego at around 10 a.m. and then got into his cart.

The vehicle veered off the concrete pathway, traveled down a 25-foot embankment and went over the edge of the cliff, California Highway Patrol spokesman Tom Kerns said.

Be sure to seal those time capsules tightly!

Friday, April 27th, 2007

Porn Slipped Into Wash. Time Capsule

There were a few surprises for the University of Washington’s Class of 1957 when they opened a time capsule sealed 50 years ago. Among audiotapes and copies of the yearbook and school newspaper were 1980s-era porn, a condom and some dirty underwear. Alumni opened the capsule earlier this week in preparation for a public unveiling Saturday during a celebration of the 50th anniversary of the university’s communications program. The capsule had been placed in an interior wall of the then-new Communications Building in 1957.

Sunday dinner at Zizzi

Tuesday, April 24th, 2007

Man cuts off penis in restaurant:

A man cut off his penis with a knife in a packed London restaurant. Police were forced to use CS gas to restrain the man when they entered the Zizzi restaurant in The Strand on Sunday evening. A Metropolitan Police spokeswoman said the man was aged between 30 and 40 and that his injuries were self-inflicted.

More annoying aviation screw-ups

Thursday, April 19th, 2007

Sleepy Crew Delays Flight for 13 Hours

Passengers on a British Airways flight from New Delhi to London were delayed about 13 hours when members of the cabin and flight crew reported they were too sleepy to fly, a company spokeswoman confirmed Wednesday. Crew members said they had not slept enough because of noise at their hotel, said Laura Goodes, a BA spokeswoman. A report Monday in the Hindustan Times had quoted airport officials as saying the pilot “felt sleepy.”

Dynomite surfing in Copenhagen

Sunday, April 15th, 2007

Dynamite Surfing:

These guys in Copenhagen surf a wave created by a huge stick of dynamite thrown into the water. Viral for sports gear.

Pennies from Lawsuit

Thursday, April 12th, 2007

Man Gets 33,500 Pennies in Lawsuit Payout

A penny saved is a penny earned, but one man believes 33,500 pennies won are best donated to a worthy cause.

 Bob Wilson, who won a small claims court case last month, will donate the pennies to the Oakland Livingston Human Service Agency, which has helped him with heating bills.

Wilson was given the pennies by Karl Stepen, owner of NSK Motorsports in Fowlerville, after a judge ruled in Wilson’s favor and awarded him $335.

Stepen said he paid Wilson in pennies to show his contempt for Wilson. “We paid him in legal U.S. currency,” Stepen said.

From your Starbucks Barista – A classic Craigslist rant

Sunday, March 25th, 2007

 Starbucks barista: We’re not your friends (but your tips are appreciated):

To all of you silly, sad caffeine addicts who line up like lemmings for your overpriced lattes every morning: there are some things you should know.

1. We are not your friends. We are usually not your neighbors. In most cases, we absolutely loathe you, but we are outwardly friendly — because we are paid to do so. You are not getting special treatment, and we really don’t give a shit about your last vacation or your new baby or your real estate problems.

2. Oh, you work from home? We are not your water-cooler break. We may be the only humans you have interacted with for days, but do not expect us to be interested in your stupid home business or your racist, sexist, totally unfunny commentary. Get your drink and get out.

Read the whole thing!

“The man said he was just taking his due, but I don’t think his wife was too pleased”

Sunday, March 18th, 2007

Man saws house in two in divorce split

A 43-year-old German decided to settle his imminent divorce by chain sawing a family home in two and making off with his half in a forklift truck.Police in the eastern town of Sonneberg said on Friday the trained mason measured the single-story summer house — which was some 8 meters (26 feet) long and 6 meters wide — before chain sawing through the wooden roof and walls.

Hat tip to Kara!

‘An act of human sabotage’

Friday, March 16th, 2007

The day the news turned hardcore

And here is the news: the news has been replaced by porn.

Television viewers in Phoenix, Arizona were intrigued to notice that a health news show – fronted by hyper-respectable anchor Tom Brokaw – cut out during the broadcast, to be replaced by scenes of hardcore pornography.

The porn, which appeared on local station KPPX-TV on Monday night, prompted a spurt of calls to the station, local media, and to the cable provider (who, amusingly, are called Cox Communications).

Wikipedia: You get what you pay for!

Thursday, March 8th, 2007

Wikipedia’s Image Is Tarnished as an Editor Is Exposed as Fraud 

Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia, has been plunged into controversy after one of its most prolific contributors and editors, a professor with degrees in theology and canon law, was exposed as a 24-year-old college dropout.

 The editor, who called himself Essjay, was recruited by staff at Wikipedia to work on the site’s arbitration committee, a team of expert administrators charged with vetting content on the “free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.”

But no one apparently vetted the credentials of Essjay, who claimed to be a professor of religion at a private university and contributed to an estimated 20,000 Wikipedia entries.

Essjay was Ryan Jordan, a 24-year-old from Kentucky with no advanced degrees who used texts such as “Catholicism for Dummies” to help him correct articles on the penitential rite or transubstantiation.

8.1 mile long string of firecrackers!

Monday, March 5th, 2007

Taiwanese set off 8.1-mile firecracker

Organizers lit up a 8.1-mile string of explosives in a southern Taiwanese county Sunday, hoping to create the world’s longest firecracker in a record-setting attempt expected to last two hours.

TV footage of the Chinese New Year celebration in Tainan County, dubbed “Legend of the Fire Dragon,” showed rapid flashes of bright red explosions that created huge wafts of white smoke.

Geico Cavemen get their own show!

Friday, March 2nd, 2007

ABC developing ‘Cavemen’:

Winner for most unusual piece of development this pilot season goes to ABC, which has turned a series of quirky Geico commercials into an actual half-hour comedy project.

“Cavemen” will revolve around three pre-historic men who must battle prejudice as they attempt to live as normal thirtysomethings in modern Atlanta.

Project, from ABC TV Studio, is penned by Joe Lawson, an advertising copywriter who was behind the “Caveman” ads — as well as other Geico commercials (think the cockney-speaking Geico gecko, and the reality TV spoof “Tiny House”).

Barack Obama’s ancestors were slave owners!

Friday, March 2nd, 2007

A new twist to an intriguing family history – baltimoresun.com:

Many people know that Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama’s father was from Kenya and his mother from Kansas.

But an intriguing sliver of his family history has received almost no attention until now: it appears that forebears of his white mother owned slaves, according to genealogical research and Census records.

The records — which had never been addressed publicly by the Illinois senator or his relatives — were first noted in an ancestry report compiled by William Addams Reitwiesner, who works at the Library of Congress and practices genealogy in his spare time.

“The twist is very interesting,” said Ronald Walters, a political scientist who is director of the African-American Leadership Institute at the University of Maryland, College Park. “It deepens his connection with the experience of slavery, even if it deepens it on a different side of the equation.”

Awesome AIDS Hotline!

Thursday, March 1st, 2007

AIDS Hot Line Number Rings Up Sex Line

A bookmark distributed by the Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services not only teaches teens and children about HIV and AIDS, it provides a phone number that patches them into a hardcore sex hot line.

St. Joseph resident Lori Felzien said she found out about the hot line when her sixth-grade son dialed the number printed on a bookmark he received during a health lesson at Bessie Ellison Elementary School.

The boy handed her mother the phone and said, “Mom, listen to this.” Felzien’s reaction: “We’ve got to get these cards out of these kids’ hands.”

Always check your lottery tickets!

Tuesday, February 27th, 2007

Iowa Man Discovers He’s a Lucky ‘Idiot’

Ed O’Neill’s bank account just got a lot bigger, thanks to a co-worker who told him some “idiot” hasn’t claimed an $800,000 Powerball lottery prize.

O’Neill, 58, who works for the Clinton Chamber of Commerce, bought the ticket for a Jan. 6 Powerball drawing. He told Iowa Lottery staffers he didn’t think to check the results until a couple days afterward when a chamber receptionist pointed out an article in the local newspaper.

“She said, ‘Read this article about the idiot that hasn’t claimed his ticket.’ So I read it and noticed where the ticket was bought,” O’Neill said. “I thought, ‘Gee, I better look at my ticket.’ That’s when I said, ‘I think I won.’”

Cock-up Club goes public!

Sunday, February 25th, 2007

Another fine mess to celebrate

Whether getting stuck up Everest or down an alley in a tank, the members of the Cock-Up Club believe that failure can be glorious. Their club dinner is tomorrow: prepare for breaking glass

Until now, it has been a secret society, shadowy and on the margins. Which is perhaps understandable. Its leading lights include the man who climbed Everest “and fell off”, the major who captured a flock of sheep instead of the IRA, and the explorer who went into the jungle with 24 bottles of wine, but forgot the food.

Now, though, the Cock-Up Club is opening its doors to the admiring gaze of the public. On the eve of the club’s first dinner of 2007, its co-founder, Anthony Willoughby, 56, has offered The Sunday Telegraph the first look into the group’s history, members and “achievements”.

Turn off the damn lights!

Thursday, February 22nd, 2007

Error leads to billion-dollar utility bills

Perhaps his $24 billion electric bill will teach Richard Redden not to leave the heat running.

Thanks to a printing error, Redden and more than 1,300 Weatherford utility customers this week received billion-dollar electric bills marked as late notices.

Yet another reason not to be a sword wielding vigilante!

Wednesday, February 21st, 2007

Sword-Wielding Man Confronts Neighbor After Hearing Woman’s Cries on Porn Film

A sword-wielding Wisconsin man broke into his neighbor’s apartment thinking he was chivalrous after hearing the cries of a woman he thought was in peril — but instead, she was in porn.

James Van Iveren was in his Oconomowoc apartment listening to music when he heard loud cries from a woman he thought was pleading for help, reported the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel. The 39-year-old grabbed a cavalry sword, a family heirloom, and rushed upstairs to forcibly open the quarters of an upstairs tenant he barely knew.

“It was a woman screaming,” Van Iveren said of the Feb. 12 incident. “She was screaming for help.”

Bret Stieghorst told police that he was watching a pornographic DVD when Van Iveren kicked open his door, damaging the frame and lock in the process, with a 39-inch blade in hand.

Post office gets Fart Bombed

Wednesday, February 21st, 2007

‘Fart bomb’ closes postal centre and roads

A smelly “fart bomb” had postal staff and firefighters holding their breath today when it burst at a postal sorting centre on Auckland’s North Shore.

The fart bomb was a giveaway in an internet magazine, but when other postal items were placed on top of the magazines being posted out the sachet bomb burst and released its contents shortly after daybreak.

Yet another reason to buy abandoned farms!

Saturday, February 17th, 2007

Man buys abandoned farm, discovers barn filled with vintage cars

Ok, so imagine you live in portugal and your moving house. you find a lovely farm house set in a decent plot of land. the place has been empty for 15 years! whilst exploring your new property you find a large barn in the trees. the door is padlocked shut and its all rusted solid. so you grind the padlock open………

Yes it is in Norwegian, but the photos say it all!

Snow Rage!

Wednesday, February 14th, 2007

Shovel, Pepper Spray Used in Dispute Over Shoveling Shared Driveway

Things got heated between two Dayton neighbors who share a common driveway this week when one woman used pepper spray on the other after she said she felt threatened with a snow shovel, according to local police.

More proof that old Soviet subs suck

Sunday, February 11th, 2007

Soviet-era submarine museum sinks:

A Cold War-era Soviet-built submarine that was being towed to a museum in Thailand took on water and sank off northwestern Denmark, Danish officials and the vessel’s Thai owner said Tuesday.

No people or weapons were on board the Whiskey-class submarine when it sank Monday in an area known as Jysk Reef, about 35 miles off the coast of the Jutland peninsula, the Danish navy said.

A tug boat was towing the 246-foot-long vessel when it started taking on water, forcing the crew to cut it loose for their own safety, navy spokesman Klaus Randrup Rasmussen said. There was no risk of pollution because the submarine was not carrying any fuel, weapons or other hazardous material, he said.

Cybervigilante Update!

Sunday, February 11th, 2007

Getting Even, With Help From the Internet:

There’s a new brand of law and order in the age of the Internet. For example, a woman scorned can catch, try, convict and punish the accused, and do it with the whole world watching — all from her home computer.

Even a minor offense like stealing your neighbor’s newspaper might land you in the court of public humiliation, also known as YouTube

Did you ever leave a small tip in a restaurant? Or no tip at all? Bitterwaitress.com allows servers to rat out low-tipping customers, and celebrities like Nick Lachey and Cameron Diaz have been burned on this Web site.

Lose $12 billion, get a bonus!

Friday, January 26th, 2007

Nice work if you can get it

Ford Motor Co. may resume paying executive bonuses to boost the morale of managers battered by three rounds of job cuts and plant closings in the past five years, people familiar with the matter said.

The No. 2 U.S. automaker is considering the renewal of bonuses as a way of supporting managers coping with reduced benefits, the elimination of merit raises and the threat of job losses, said the people, who didn’t want to be identified because the discussions are private.

Ford paid no bonuses to its top 6,000 executives during the last two years. Ford’s net income shrank to $1.44 billion for 2005. Ford said today it lost $5.8 billion in the fourth quarter and $12.7 billion for 2006, the biggest annual loss ever. The company is cutting 40,000 factory and white-collar jobs in hopes of restoring North American auto profits in 2009.

I guess now is not the time to buy an HD-TV

Sunday, January 21st, 2007

High-Def Disconnect

But man cannot live on nature shows and sports forever. And neither cable nor satellite offers more than 12 channels of HD programming.

That’s right. I paid $1,399 for my HD television, $99 for an upgraded receiver, $110 for the proper cables and an extra $10 a month to a satellite provider that offers me more than 200 channels — and only 12 of those are in HD.

That’s 6 percent. Six!

Yet another reason not to horse around on the 17th floor

Saturday, January 20th, 2007

Man survives 17-story fall:

A 29-year-old man who was apparently horsing around with some friends crashed through a window and fell 16 stories at the downtown Minneapolis Hyatt Regency early Saturday morning. His most severe injury? A broken leg.

He was only following orders

Thursday, January 18th, 2007

Obedient motorist crashes on satnav command

A 46-year-old German motorist driving along a busy road suddenly veered to the left and ended up stuck on a railway track — because his satellite navigation system told him to, police said Sunday.

The motorist was heading into the north German city of Bremen “when the friendly voice from his satnav told him to turn left,” a spokesman said.

Dead in the Shower for 4 days!

Sunday, January 14th, 2007

68-year-old was dead in his shower for four days:

On Christmas Day, a 68-year-old man died taking a shower in his 19th-floor apartment in south Minneapolis. His body wasn’t discovered for four days. And the water kept running all that time, the drain blocked by the man’s body. The water overflowed into the walls and carpets of the apartments below, all the way to street level.

Made-up phone numbers sometimes really ring!

Saturday, January 13th, 2007

Man Gets $256 for Nuisance Text Messages

A court has ordered a Chinese television production company to pay damages to a man who received more than 3,000 nuisance messages after his mobile phone number was used in a police TV drama.

Powerball curse strikes again

Saturday, January 13th, 2007

Powerball Winner: Thieves Cleaned Me Out:

Whittaker won a nearly $315 million on Christmas 2002, then the largest undivided lottery prize in U.S. history. He took his winnings in a lump sum of $113 million after taxes. Since then, he has faced his granddaughter’s death by drug overdose; he has been sued for bouncing checks at Atlantic City, N.J., casinos; he has been ordered to undergo rehab after being arrested on drunken driving charges; his vehicles and business have been burglarized; and he has been sued by the father of an 18-year-old boy, a friend of his granddaughter’s, who was found dead in Whittaker’s house.